oh god the rape fog is back!
So i looked up from her cooch and there was her ex-boyfriend
Awkward
just hooked up with an air force officer in a hotel room paid for by the military. i feel like i should go around thanking taxpayers for the assist.
My porch is a mess of peanut butter and tostitos...thanks for that.
He's my palate cleanser. He's my mint sorbet. He's my saltine cracker. He's who I fuck between people to make the next one better.
a kid who worked there came up to me and let me know you were sitting in the bathroom sink. he said it was fine, so i just kept checking on you.
There was just way too much discussion about my penis at that party
The bartender just asked me if I owned stock in Jameson. I've been here for less than an hour and he's already judging me.
If I wake up with an unknown penis in me one more time I am literally going to press charges to the makers of tequila.
You're the only person that can successfully use titties and Jesus in the same sentence.
I am the worst sexter. i actually told him .. if i had a penis, it would be hard right now. BTW thats a turn off.
you know it's been too long when the heat of a pizza box on your lap turns you on.
his ex girlfriend sent him a pic of her naked in the bathtub so I sent her a pic of me sucking his dick
You know how it is. Tell me not to do somebody and suddenly I wanna.
He woke me with blue berry pancakes and a blow job. He's a keeper.
Randomize
