Within 5 minutes of max walking in his pants were off and he was wearing my snow goggles as underwear.
Did I crawl through the hotel lobby all the way to our room?
You called me at 2am singing 'happy birthday' while screaming 'I fucking love you' verses, all while eating a burrito and taking a piss off your apartment balcony
Yeah I know, the people below me already told me
Dont worry about getting me anything... Just put a bow on your ass.
Deal.
In lieu of flowers, please donate to The Hungover Children's Fund in my name.
Why were you eating a hot dog in the bathroom at 230 am?
My roommate was sleeping, I thought it would be rude
Telling someone to make good decisions on a Thursday is like telling Santa to be Jewish.
hoooly shit dude in taco costume challenged alpha douche to a fight. he's got catch phrases. come. now.
Plus i lost a button on my shirt and we got free drinks all night. Sorry I'm not sorry.
Uh oh we had sex and I don't think I like him anymore help
Remember when I made fun of you when you ran out of toilet paper on your brother's birthday and had to use coffee filters? Guess what happened today
Don't put me in that position. I am not qualified to be the responsible adult here.
This will never work. His dick is smaller than mine.
Wow. And yours is kind of small.
RIGHT?
So many questions so I’ll prioritize. How did I survive last night?
I literally blew him under my face mask. Not because I thought it'd protect me from COVID, but because I wanted to prove to myself that I could.
Randomize
