She challenged me to a game of rock-paper-scissors for her virginity. I love this girl.
I just took my friends on a tour of all the places I've had sex in my house. I dont know if that's more slutty, or the fact that it took 2 hours to complete..
frozen drink friday is suspended until further notice
He is making me drink his THC water out of a milk jug.
Picking up hoes with my dad is going to make it a little harder, but ay, if thats how he wants to bond after 23 years, Ill give it a shot
When I left you were in the shower in your socks throwing up screaming it was blood but it was "ok" cuz it's recyclable. By the way it was kool aid.
note to self: do not snort crushed up caffeine pills in the bathroom by yourself when ur super shit faced, ur face will fucking hate you in the morning.
bought even stevens on dvd and enough weed and pizza bagels to last us a week.. ready to get snowed in?
I was on etsy and I'm like those boobs look way too familiar
If you can't drink with the big boys, give up your beer and go back to the playpen
Woke up next to a half eaten Philly Cheesesteak. Honestly probably one of the top 3 things I've ever woken up next to.
I asked him to get me another beer, and he started making muffins.
what do u think we would be doing right now if we were together
Urinating on unicorns
You've had it in your mouth, how have you not seen it?
I swear 2020 just keeps getting worse and worse
Randomize
