We're 3 acts into this drag show and we've already run out of Lady Gaga songs.
The only thing I have to prove last night happened is a fireman's hat full of puke.
All i learned in high school was how to sell drugs
Lucky for you, I found your phone.....Not so lucky for you, it was in the bottom of your vomit-filled trashcan.
the table of underagers at this wedding were seated 10ft from the open bar. currently 30 open containers on the table for 5 people. dinner hasn't even been served yet.
He had Jail Releases phone number programed into speed dial on his phone.
Like. I probably should fuck him. I owe him for breaking his thumb.
You broke the end off a wine bottle, ran outside and screamed "FOR NARNIA!!"
After my mom met Tanner, she literally turned and said "he's from old money, top of his class at Emory, already has doctors courting him for jobs and judging from your vocal performance the other night, he's gifted in bed. Fake a pregnancy right now"
I come from her. Holy hell.
I'm more of a 'talk at me while I stare at you' kinda girl.
The alcohol tastes like we did a beer run at the nail salon
I slapped him but he didn't wake up. He just nuzzled my head, hugged me closer, and smiled.
conclusion from last night: i should wear boob glitter more often
There is resin on and IN the refrigerator. Its even on the food. My god, what happens to you?
Is there a reason why your pubic hair is a plastic bag on my bathroom floor? And yes I know its yours... You wrote your name on the bag
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