Did you ever notice the eye of Sauron looks like Lindsay Lohan's vagina?
you told me heaven would be the 3 of us at Moe's forever and every hot girl that walked in would ask us to play stone face
Now that I'm 21, I feel like I'm letting North Dakota down by not being drunk everyday
We should reintroduce naked Mondays
Just in case you were wondering..... I really did just wave goodbye to you with my penis.
It was your ex but it was not eighties night, it was pudding wrestling. And either thank you or I'm sorry depending on the state of my pants left on the doorstep
I can't tell if I'm hungover or if my cat just knocked the lamp on my face
The only way I can describe the noise he makes when he has an orgasm: dying walrus.
I can't wet the bed. That was the old me. I'm grown
Oh my god
Mike showed up naked and in handcuffs. Again. Feel free to come over and laugh because I'm not helping this time.
Somehow my drug dealer is stuck in my air-vent and now everything smells like patchouli, weed, deoderant and sweat.
Wine is the only reason I'm making it in the real world
Yeah you're weird. You once told me you would by me a house in the middle of sex. Like as you were thrusting.
I threw up outside. Then I peed got off the toilet and threw up. While I threw up u pulled up my pants. Not my best moment
Holy. shit. Chris has no pants on. In public. Fuck. Need you.
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