Awkward is getting caught beating off in the company bathroom...
its 9am. i just got home. spent 6 hours blowing him in a closet last night
he just payed for our date, after telling him I was leaving early to meet my fuck buddy. is there something lower than friendzone I can stick this guy in?
So it looks like you may be an uncle real soon. Don't ask how I feel about it and don't text me back.
He sent me a picture of him bent over showing his asshole with the caption "vwahla".... No more tequila for either of you
I'm in his phone as "nashville blowjob" he also has "cleveland blowjob" "vegas blowjob" etc. i'm okay with this.
But don't worry I didn't actually get stitches, although according to the health center I probably should have
Our suitemates are shrooming again. I left a less colorful dress hanging on the door, change before you come in because purple is making Maeve cry.
A total of 95 cents was stuck to my ass the next morning.
Its not that I don't mind giving her as much as my penis as she wants, its the post sex cigarette I have to supply. Shits $9 a pack.
Put a tip jar next to your bed from now on.
Your good ideas are reason #4 we need to live together.
Life seems so much brighter and more vibrant after you have sex with a 20 year old. It's like how Kansas was in black and white and Oz was in technicolor.
So I totally just used margarita salt for a body scrub.
6 showers laters and I still feel like I have his vomit in my vagina. At least I could help him figure out he's gay.
sam was dropping a deuce next to me. wrote me a note that said "glad we shared this experience." passed it under the wrong stall. the other guy picked it up. that's all I know so far.
Is it a bad thing when vodka doesn't taste like vodka anymore?
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