Short Circuit remake moving forward, David Carradine dead by his own hand. Come home soon, society deteriorating rapidly. Nation's capitol likely not safe.
Single schmingle. No one actually obeys the relationship boundaries these days. Its 2009.
if you don't let us come over today i'm not taking the second plan b pill. your call.
so he made me dinner last pm @whch point i askd if i could help out. he hands me his fucking laundry and asks me 2 do it
only you. it could only happen to you.
I woke up to a paper award certificate for best blow job and he was gone. You're welcome mystey man.
what kind of roommate is she really? she wouldn't even hold my hair back.
Maybe before the beach I should get a tracking chip in my arm.
My dad found me naked curled up under a towel on the couch with a fucking tub of butter and a spoon. Ambien Mondays are dead
woke up in your bed at 6 AM. on my way home I passed Nathan, bloody, barefoot, and still in a toga. He told me he woke up in a ditch then kept repeating "I'm totally bringing this up at meeting tomorrow". I'm proud of your frat today
I partied with a deaf mute last night. strangely enough the more drunk I get the easier it is to understand him.
Reminder: You could have had sex with me while wearing a tiara.
As much of a hooker as I am you don't slam where you drink
His fucking flight got canceled because the president stopped at the airport he was flying out of... Fuckin Obama literally just cock blocked me
Wanna bang and Pregame work? I know you're the manager just promise to not fire me
If you could come do me into like a 12 hour coma that'd be great
Randomize
