I mean a good dj is a huge turn on
he drunkenly confessed to whacking off before coming over so the sex'd be longer. this one's a keeper
My insides feel lik shag carpet. It is awesome
you dont publicly announce someones alcholism over facebook. you dont out someone like that.
It just sucks seeing everyone get flowers but me...
yeah, but they die. it takes a while, but they die. just like all of these kids relationships will. tequila doesnt die. its a live in the moment thing... like a valentines day one night stand. so long run, tequila is the better gift.
That's a really weird place to spoon. Especially if there are more accessible places to spoon. Like a bathtub.
I'm way too horny to be at work right now. I think it might be legally irresponsible to leave me alone with cucumbers.
I fell alseep but then some dude picked me up. Comforter and all stuck a blunt in my mouth and carried me back downstairs because "I wasn't done partying"
I've eaten cheese dip for three consecutive meals. I think I need to branch out.
Here's how he asked the pregnant girl for a cigarette. Hey yo prego throw me a square. Not joking.
She made sure everyone knew we were doing shots for her dead grandma.
I flashed the bar tender last night. Apparently I wanted a whiskey to go and that was the golden ticket. This is why I never come home
Mom just told me I need to start having sex.
He jizzed all over my ID badge. HR is gonna be pissed...
You invited these random guys into your apartment that you met in the hallway...& then you started screaming at them to get out cause you didn't know who they were.
Randomize
