Picture Ja Rule and 50 Cent having a sexy full grown love child son...He's on my bus right now, wearing an outside jacket with no shirt underneath. My fashion sense and libido are fighting it out.I'll keep you posted on who wins.
Reason #437 to hate Louisiana: Just went to the public bathroom at work. It was so humid the toilet seat was damp and sticky. Either it's the humidity or I sat in somebody's yesterday piss. I choose to believe the humidity.
4 random people called me telling me they found him sleeping in the fetal postion on a driveway 45 minutes after we lost him
I can't wait to hear about your drunken cab ride to planned parenthood at 2pm
Well the walls are thin and I can hear the couple next door having sex. I think their dog is somehow involved.
she just nodded and said "yeah, I'd fuck him for a reese's peanut butter cup". it's so nice to know I'm not the biggest whore living here
Split a bottle of Johnny Walker and then decided to eat a shit ton of peanut butter. That was a rough bed to wake up in
I'll just give him your contact info, and you'll somehow manage to get laid. Which will make me feel like your vagina's agent or something.
Hooray! My email address wasn't leaked by Ashley Madison!
I will chop off your penis
Damn him and his beautiful face and body and penis.
I know this sounds fake but she's deep frying a bar of soap right now
Come fucking get her
Disregard everything I texted you last night. Oh, and disregard me hooking up with your boyfriend.
I picked up a towel, and butt beads fell out of it.
Oh yeah... Surprise!
Just woke up next to a hungry lesbian and a half eaten croissant on my stomach. Can you come get me?
you don't need to worry about using proper grammar if you're asking for the size of his dick.
Randomize
