The elaphant ear plant popped a new leaf ! Wahoo !
Did I ever tell you that the first person i made out with cried?
At a strip club after monster truck rally. You should be here
Dude WTF? His teammate just started talkin to me on fb! Am I walking around with a "I like to f**k gators" on my forehead?
No, it just says ur easy
we were just talking about designated drivers and i suggested we each hire a mexican day laborer to give us piggy back rides... i have the best ideas eveeer
no, literally. he fb chatted me and said "since you're online i figured we could bang tonight?"
I just got a booty call..Its 6 pm..a brave attempt to climb the rotation ladder..I like his ambition.
Still borderline I believe. As bad as this sounds, I feel God owes me one here and should not let his grandmother die till after my birthday
I'm riding shot gun after Shawn took a dump in a happy meal box because we were making record time.
You ask too many questions when I'm blowing you. You're like a dentist asking how my day has been during a cleaning.
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
I mean, I bought pot and shampoo before I ran out. I think I can adult.
There was one thing about my NYC trip I forgot to tell you: I took a dump in Trump Tower
He held my hair while I gave him a blow job. Now that's teamwork.
Was that before, or after strip tac toe.....
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