why did i make a hit list last night containing only McDonalds?
you tried to order a magarita mcflurry and when they said they didnt make those you tried to call 911
like i told you yesterday: virgins, blood, my name. do it.
Now that the fun of having an iPhone has worn off I find that using screen as a coke tray is by far my favorite app
you definitely made a grilled cheese using your iron..
ya and it worked didnt it??
My #1 goal this summer is to get drunk at olive garden
I just ate a dove chocolate and the wrapper said "chocolate: always your valentine" WHAT KIND OF JACKASS WRITES THESE AND WHY MUST THEY MOCK ME?
I pulled some girls weeve trying to pull the stop cord on the bus
its not that I hate him, it's just that I wish his penis was attached to someone i like more
No gay bar. My eyemake up looks like sex and Im using these dick daggers of mine tonight.
It feels like a bunch of leprechauns are using my brain as a soccer ball
He's practically not my boyfriend anymore. So let's go get some glitter, balloons, alcohol and forget this night ever happened.
Btw had an awesome time last night. Found some blood on my shirt and ear but I'll chalk it up to the tequila shots.
Some guy walking down the sidewalk just looked at me and said "hey it's the world champ". How drunk was I on Friday...?
He left cushions on my floor, chocolate on my bra and unexplained scratches on my thighs. I think this one might get a second date.
I'm pretty sure the cop knew you were drunk when you tried to light your cigg with a chapstick.
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