The maid of honor just puked.
she had a my little ponys comforter. i left when she went to the bathroom
I just got off a plane from Mexico. At least 15 passengers dashed to the bathroom throughout the flight. Can you tell its spring break?
I don't know. I guess at the end of the day I wanted taco bell more than a boyfriend.
Totally get that.
Wasn't a date. In exchange for artichoke dip I received a bj. And sex. It was a transaction.
...he tried to burn down someone's house once. ABORT ABORT ABORT
Where the hell did all of these gingers come from? It's like they crawled out of their shame-caves for st Patrick's day.
You said you wanted to wrap his dick in a tortilla and make a spicy burrito. Let me just say, most girls don't have this hard of a time getting laid.
Jailed a totally belligerent hot guy. That was probably my most thorough pat down. Ever.
"YOU A2TE UNDERAGE LOL" Got that at 2am. Gotta stop dating alcoholics.
He found a way to charmingly ask me for a threesome and when I said no he made it sound like he was even happier. He's a fucking wizard
I just jacked off to nostalgia.
I told her we had to stay at the bar until at least midnight because that's when my direct deposit hit, don't tell me i'm not responsible
she just punched him in the balls in front of everyone and yelled "YOU SEE WHAT YOU MADE ME DO"
I just kept eating and watching him slide down the stairs head first
Randomize
