So im pretty sure the object of my emotional onterest is tired of playing with me....
Me too. I'd like to spend all next summer high and drunk and riding ponies and boys.
When I stretch out her lips her vagina looks like a dolphin...this birthmark is awesome
She said she was an education major and you replied with "oh I'm taking a semester off too". And we never saw her again...
and then the entire party sang the national anthem a capella around the keg.
listening to the two girls in the next stall finish a 40 and laugh at this guy they both fucked. they're calling him 'tulip dick'.
Also, if someone could cut me off before im rolling around the yard pantsless with a 40 year old lesbian that would be awesome.
Bro, did you watch that scooby doo porn I sent to you?
Alright whatever you say... But in the future when you really wish you had a dildo don't come crying to me about it.
You ever just wake up and decide, today I'm going to eat a whole bag of fritos and a tub of cream cheese
I've started drunk signing up for 5ks. Who even does that?
I tried smoking while wearing a horse mask, it was the worst thing I've ever smelled
In other news, I’ve officially fucked a grandpa.
yeah, my mom got it for me because it had animals AND alcohol.
Pro: 2020 made it easier to hook up with strippers
Con: explaining to Kari why there’s always strippers at our house
Pro: there’s always strippers at our house
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