So Jesus turned water into wine. So what? I once turned a whole student loan into natty light. Your move holy man.
'in an unhealthy relationship' should def be an fb option
She passed out on top of the bar. Still did body shots off her.
Haha jealous. If I could remember my dreams I'm pretty sure they would constantly be about being drunk in foreign countries
I remember key bumps, porn and a mom in my bed. Sums up my day.
that is an amazing summary hahaha
In my defense, last night's hookup turned out to be my actual girlfriend. That's gotta count for something, right?
You cant come. You're a Colorado native who drinks Bud over Coors. Fucking homegrown terrorist.
I may or may not be wearing slippers and a TMNT hat. This thing better not have a dress code.
I gave you the craziest sex experiences of your life, the least you could do is let me keep the sweater.
She asked what it would take for you to fuck her. You drunkenly mumbled, "pepperoni pizza" and then got in the cab by yourself. You were smiling too. It was weird.
Yeah well you try taking nice pictures while you have pizza crust lodged in your throat
One public bathroom does not equal a wedding vow
I don't want too, lol. I'm currently awaiting my next period like its the second coming of christ
Want a bet? I'm a kinky and determined motherfucker with a libido that is not easily stopped
Yeah. Broke it off. Saw her cheating after she forgot to turn her zoom off. Ring=$$$. Not making that mistake-priceless
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