If there is ever a next time, care about me enough to lube it up no matter what my drunk ass says
all thats left of you is your magnum wrapper on my dresser
I feel like dying is the new "adopt an african baby"
Just did the walk of shame across state lines...milestone?
Well at one point you put icyhot on your feet because you lost your shoes and it was snowing outside.
No, seriously, 1.5 gallons of sangria plus two days of untapped cock. Waiting here. For you.
Okay, we really need to start training for the St Pattys parade. 48 hours of green beer won't end well if we don't prep ourselves. 2 week bender starts now
she's a kindergarten teacher now. The teacher desks are the perfect height for fucking. I'm delaying the break up a few weeks.
You were drunk it couldn't have been that bad
I've never been drunk enough to enjoy getting a blister on my dick.
NEW HOUSE RULE! If you make it in a chicks cleavage it's 3 cups and bra off.
BP at your house from now on.
If my eyeballs could make a sound to describe how they feel they would just say uhhhhhhhhggggggghhhhhh.
I do not mind being torn from the first touches of sleep to see a man who looks like that
Hey! How are you feeling? Still preferring soup over sex?
You know you suck at relationships when you are sitting in the airport on Christmas day, alone, swiping on Tinder.
Now I am free. And I want to go meet men. My phone deleted all my contacts, and I consider this to be a new beginning. With a new man in my phone book.
Randomize
