I fink we're distracting them from bumping the proverbial uglies
That's why Kanye is a gay fish.
i just did my hair and make up to walk our dogs.. I hate being the single roommate
I woke up with someone else's vomit on my ass. That's how I'm doing today.
I have never made a good decision in that bathroom...
I can't wait for the 4th. I'll probably get drunk and end up puking all over whichever 18 year old I end up making out with.
I HAVE stop dating guys for their prescriptions, you have no idea how awkward family dinner was. Thank god for his xanax.
That just sounds like a recipe for sex in my backyard. Yes.
Her facebook status said "just got a sign from god". I texted her and apparently she found a slice of pizza in the shower.
You almost married that.
Making drunken Mac n cheese at 3 am I understand why witches constantly stir their cauldrons. Much more homogenized temperature and slim chance of boiling over. Good job witches.
A guy was over-the-skirt fingering me on the dance floor and I stopped him to sensually rap in his ear. So that was my Halloweekend
I am eating a king sized snickers in the strip club. Good morning.
It's 90 percent alcohol, and 10 percent a whisper that says "get drunk"
I told my parents how nice the girl at the frogurt store was. I neglected to mention that I nearly lost my virginity to her via foursome.
Today is a good day to get high. It's easy to blame the glazed-over look in my eye on my new contacts
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