..well, okay, so long as I don't have to wear an apron or vaccum in high heels.
nope just do me i'm drunk and easy to plz
I tried booty calling last night but apparently he was too tired and wants to meet up tonight. I told him planning defeats the purpose.
nothing says happy new years better than a black eye from shooting yourself with a champagne bottle
on my arm i have a score card from when we apparently had a competition to see who could harden his nipples fastest..
who won?
THAT is your concern right now?
i lose more brain cells when ever she opens her mouth then i would doing meth for 8 years of my life.
the kid next to me in training is drinking sangria. its 9am here in case you couldnt calculate. its going to be a good year.
Soo I got blood taken today and when the doctor came back with the results she said "you aren't sick but the tests show that you are currently drunk..."
nothing says roomie bonding better than a sunday shroom trip.
To the genius that put everclear in my humidifier: your time is coming.
Finished watching the entire first season of mighty morphing power rangers. Now I have nothing. Not even a life.
So somehow today's lecture on the immune system turned into me having to stand up and explain female ejaculation to the class.
I know he works a lot but c'mon man. I 69'd you the first week we boned. Put a little effort in. Fuck.
I've officially slept through a hurricane, a tornado and had sex during an earthquake. I'm surviving.
I think I'm just gonna exercise my lungs and fingers. With bong hits and crochet. BECAUSE I AM A REAPONSIBLE ADULT DAMMIT!!
Did you happen to find the other half of my bra last night?
Randomize
