I haven't seen Daniella all day...are you sure she was safe going home with that guy?
oh don't worry! i asked him if he was a rapist. he said no
hot girl, 5 o clock
do you know how to read a clock?
i need to find a birthday card for her that tells her how happy i am that i can now legally bang her
Her directions to the house party: "the north star will guide you, turn left. I'm wearing the potato hat"
Can you call him, he said something about going to the balcony to pee and now hes texting me saying hes lost
Please do NOT set off the smoke alarm when I am tied to the bed like this...
Now that I've lowered my makeout age to 21 I have a whole new sea to fish in.
Most of the bar is playing trivia I'm playing destroy a relationship in twenty questions
We were running down las vegas boulevard at 8:30 am with our beers cause we were late for our flight
He made me cum 4 times, we high fived afterwards and then I proceeded to tell him about this guy I'm dating whilst I made him a bacon sandwich. I think we've finally mastered being friends with benefits.
Awee what are you going to name your new dog?
What dog?
If you need anything just hit me up
Pancakes
Noted.
I've now fucked in every motel room in this small town.
Why are there four guys spooning on the living room floor?
They're still there? Shit. They were supposed to leave after they hugged it out.
No. I'm home alone and 100% dickless. I hate my life.
Randomize
