just put cider in my bong. gotta love fall
just threw all of the fireworks into the bonfire. thats why there are firetrucks.
I told him I wanted to have sex to "halleluiah", he suggested the poke-rap.
whoever threw up in my shampooo bottle is totally getting defriended on facebook.
i tried to stop you. you just kept saying your split ends needed punishment.
If its allowed to Tornado at 830am then Im allowed to have a beer and a cigarette at 830am
She sat next to me on the couch and said "word going around is you got a sweet cock". My nickname problem was solved!
Just from watching vine I come to conclusion that all pornstars are dog hoarders.
All of my Tinder matches have neck tattoos. It's like God wants me to go to jail again.
When you licked the fourth stranger's cheek the bar tender pretty much ordered us to get you out.
My mom always wanted to raise a classy lady, it just turned out to not be her daughter.
the roommate is literally cooking green eggs n ham, and I'm too hungover to see straight. Dr Seuss nightmare.
Also, I had mind-blowing sex on a pool table
I feel like your boyfriend deserves to know that you're a lesbian.
I had to take on your role as drunk idiot....I have no idea how you do it so well and so regularly. That shit is exhausting.
when she didn't finish her burrito you wanted to call the cops because you said it was neglect
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