her voice is like 435,765 daggers being simultaneously twisted into my eardrum
i'd rather just be hit by a car than answer her phone calls
First thing she said after sex was.. are you baptised by chance?
Omg. Budweiser tramp-stamp sighting @ Wal-mart. Best tattoo EVAR.
don't you miss freshman year when you could get away with "but i've never given a bj before..."
I crashed her parents' car cause she was giving me road head. Its probably best to just let them think I'm a bad driver.
Our funnel is on top of our neighbors roof.
Hey we need to step our game up. Dad has us beat; he stole a vending machine once.
Just because you can put your penis in it does not make it "good stuff".
It'd be easier to list the surfaces my ass hasn't been on.
He follows more cats on Instagram then he does girls.. That's how you know your boyfriend is whipped.
I called you a cum goblin in my voicemail. I stand by it.
Well, I wish you luck on finding out who your boyfriend is
I have chicken nuggets, lube and brand new batteries, he can stay at work charting all weekend for all I care, I'm set.
We never leave a bad bitch behind. its a party foul..we'll find you somehow
OH DEAR GOD IT GOT IN MY MOUTH AGAIN HELP
Randomize
