What the fuck. The girl next to me just looked at her phone, put her stuff away, and popped a birth control and ran out of class. Lucky fucking guy.
Judging by the crutches in the living room I take it you two are fine and we aren't going out tonight?
in the middle of giving him head in the backseat of my car he taps me on the shoulder, opens the door, throws up three times and then proceeds to tell me how amazing i am.
i just peed with my friends in your backyard... do you still live here
Its all fun and games until someone grabs the electrical fence.
of course not. I do my best teaching on a hungover monday. I did the research. im still okay with the direction in which my life is headed.
Tonight, I'll be cleaning. And by cleaning, I mean drinking booze and spraying everything with Febreze.
I just bought 7 working mopeds off a guy for $300. We are 60% of the way to our gay biker gang dream.
No one ever gets any after sleeping with her. She is like the broken mirror of hookups, enjoy 7 years of blue ball. Don't say I didn't warn you
I don't have any bail money, if that's where this conversation is going
All I know is that I woke up with my pajamas on inside out in front of a bowl of watered down kd. Sitting up. I didn't even make it to bed.
At the bar, some guy bumped into you and you screamed "hey, don't touch what you can't afford sunshine!"
We took vodka shots. You kept saying it was the key to your heart.
Please come to class. I miss you and I have a horse mask
How did I get home last night?
We put your keys on a lanyard that asked anyone that found you to bring you home. A nice man in a cape, green shorts and a mesh shirt dropped you off this morning.
Oh. Yeah. Riiiggghhht
Randomize