real busy. everything is packed. thats why we ended up at the strip club
I am sitting on my kitchen floor drunk with a bottle of jose cuervo, tryin to make cinnamon rolls and write a paper. I love college
Mom's drinking. Just asked her if she was good to walk back to the condo. She seemed unsure until she remembered she brought the GPS. We are 2 blocks from the condo.
Well you broke that rule when you put it in your mouth.
Honestly, I don't care if the only reason she gave me her beer was because she was bisexual and wanted to touch my vagina. Beer is beer.
why the fuck would he compare you to sexy aquatic creatures?
we ran out of cups so i finished the night drinking out of a paint can.
I'll pull you in a wagon. You'll have a sash and a crown on and we'll sing "All the Single Ladies"
Some chick is drunk waving down a taxi with a slice of pizza.
Just woke up bloody and clutching a rear view mirror I'm pretty sure is from my car. For those of you keeping score at home this is why I stopped drinking four loko.
Is it cheating if its a threesome? This is more like a party game than infidelity.
LOOK AT MY HAIR, DOES THIS LOOK LIKE THE HAIR OF A PERSON WHO HAS HER LIFE TOGETHER?
My dad told me to bring weed to easter Sunday dinner..
Which sister was it? The one I accidentally hit when my shoe flew off or the one I ate candy off of when we were high?
I just had to explain why I ate a whole quart of mac and cheese before 8am. Not a good start to the day
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