she was wearing a cheetah print one-piece and i slept with her anyway. big mistake.
Life lesson: Don't ever put your penis in a crazy girl. Especially if she's married. And has a kid.
thats the mark of a good guy. when you can period all over his leg and he still thinks you're beautiful!
He couldn't say anything coherently but shot off a perfectly timed "that's what she said" when michelle said he'd have to ride in the trunk because she didn't have enough room up front.
We've been broken up for 7 months. His mom sent me a card with a brochure inside titled "How at Risk for STD's are you?"
We're all in the kiddie pool on the porch. Fully clothed. Watching porn. With my manager.
Let's just say that watching the sunrise in a space helmet is really the only way to do it.
What people don't tell you about near death experiences is they give you a full on chub
Do I really need this much space in my mouth?
Are you already high?
I woke up to some strange woman rubbing peanut butter on my thighs
Also I've accepted I am not going to be a catch today. I look like a dead hooker and the remedial work is going to be patchy at best with the shakes I've got.
i can eat my weight in tater tots. don't test me, bitch
I got my gum stuck on his balls.
apparently ive been in a long term relationship for the past 1 1/2 years w/ out knowing
If I have put a neon “vacancy” sign on my skirt for him to get the picture I will.
Randomize
