My t9 writes chubies instead of bitches.
either way. win, win.
What. The. Fuck. No, you will not spank me.
That wasn't intended for you, my bad.
you thought you were invisible so you started narrating your actions.
I just had to explain to my 62 year old advisor what "tea-bagging" was in the middle of her lecture. I smell extra credit. And maybe a demonstration.
My only downfall is that I can only take shots in twos.
We watched Jurassic Park and they made me drink every time they saw or named a dinosaur. Do you know how many dinosaurs live in Jurassic Park? Lots.
I thought he put a fake swan in my yard, but no, he put a real life swan in my yard
On Wednesday I'm putting wine in a water bottle and crashing Margaret thatchers funeral
She had a glow in the dark pastie on her forehead the last time I saw her. That should help you find her.
This morning confirmed it...there's no maybe about it. She definitely wasn't born with it. It was definitely the Maybelline.
My mom is currently drinking alone in our kitchen singing the Dixie Chicks to herself so, hey, alcohol is forever and we should not be shamed for its use.
In an unrelated matter, im gonna eat you out so much later.
I'm now at a gay bar with our relatives
Currently rolling a blunt in the bathroom of Planned Parenthood
How are you and the lady friend?
Well, she's a lunatic, and I love sex, so we're good.
Randomize
