Would you feel weird if I asked out ___?
You dont call on our son's bday but you want to know if I'll give you permission to date my best friend?
So...no?`
I was going to clean my house but wine sounded better
Our teacher totally just got outed in class by a speaker from some lesbian cooperative house
im contemplating emailing my dad and telling him how worthless i am and how sorry i am that he pays for my life...aka my bar tabs.
Saying you want a bj does not count as saying you wanna see me btw.
he was extremely fucked up- he thought my sports bra was his boxers. even when his leg wouldnt fit. at least whiskey dick wasnt a problem
You were great dude. You wanted to charge the guy with fedora $100 to get in.
We ended up at a lesbian bar and all my co-workers tried to get me laid. This is not how I envisioned coming out.
cops woke me up on the sidewalk and asked where my shoes are.. fuck if i know, im sleeping on the sidewalk! actually i didnt say that, i just cried until they gave me a ride home.
I need an inhaler full of pot for all of this breathless rage.
alll i remember is comming back downstairs, his pants were off and he was aplauding me
If I don't quit picking up guys when I'm drunk, I'm going to need a vagina transplant.
His favorite stripper is going to jail. He's taking it pretty hard
Just landed in Atlanta. Still drunk. I can't feel my face
We blew shit up to. With a cannon.
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