I remember spending $50 at Ozzie's on Friday...my Visa remembers $120.
Dude, I think my check liver light just came on
mom and dad googled us on the weekend. i love the internet less than i did on friday.
Booyah. Found 8000 pesos in my closet and that's apparently 608 US dollars
We'll probably be arrested for having a cheetah in our apartment anyway, so I say go for it.
I vomited in the sink and my bra was in there...I don't even have words to describe this hangover confusion
She got a text from her mom saying "you better not sleep with him, we all know how he is". IV ONLY BEEN HERE A WEEK
I want a nosebag of coke after my exam. Like what horses have. Coked up horses. No excuses. I love you.
it was like lady and the tramp only with a jello shot on the pool table
His search history includes homemade sex toys and a plunger. I'm scared about what goes on in their place.
I just walked out topless, stared his brother straight in the eye, and ate all the rest of their cookie dough.
It's like we're in an emotionally distant three-way and there's not even sex to show for it.
I would fuck him just for his dog
Wasted. And I have 5 pounds of potatoes that I'm responsible for.
His dick is social distance approved
Social distance approved?
big enough for me to fuck from six feet away
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