Walking by Farrand Field is better than a porno right now.
We even fucked WHILE he was making me breakfast in bed.
It's a beautiful day for a hangover
I love how you are more concerned with what i call my penis than the fact i wanna bone some high school chicks
Just saw a half naked, drunk, 6th grade math teacher throwing small children around to the Titanic soundtrack.
What kind of wedding is this and why wasn't I invited
ill give you a picture of me naked for $5. im desperate.
Lead with your genitals is the best advice I can give you.
I left my coke in the bird nest in the bathroom stall last night but I found it nest and all in my purse I love morning suprises
Just drug him and when he wakes up say "You just woke up from a coma, we've been married for 5 years." It'll be like The Vow but fucked up.
It's a little sad/awesome that I scored coke within 60 seconds of walking in the bar.
The student becomes the teacher.
I peed my pants walking home last night... I just kept walking.
There something liberating about walking through the dorm hallways without pants on.
Just want the two of you to know, I went to a golf tournament today. Respectable, expensive… Flipped the golf cart. Seriously, I'm 40. What the fuck?
He's mad about lube? You know what, don't even. I'm not in the proper mindset to discuss lube.
I walked past his mum on the way out and she offered me toast in a napkin "for my travels". Being home from uni is weird.
Randomize
