as for my dating sex life, no more regret sticks. Only pride wands from now on.
i guess its not very common for a paramedic to have to revive someone who was struck by a falling shampoo bottle while getting off from the bathtub faucet.
Is it a bad thing I remember to take my birth control when I stumble across guys I've had sex with on facebook?
We pinky-swore to never fuck each other again.
He told me to put on my big boy pants, then take them off and fuck her before he smacks me with a chair. His pep talks suck.
The last thing I remember is sitting in a chair and him hand feeding me bell peppers
Anxiously awaiting my period drinking Hershey's syrup from the bottle. Don't judge me
I'm giving you an age limit on the people you're allowed to hit on at steak n shake at 3 am. I can't see straight and I want a cheeseburger. You want dick. I'm sure we can't order at least one of those. But maybe.
Everyone heard you scream that I was to be naked, in your bed in 5 minutes. We were one hell of a shitshow spectacle
Some guy just ate one of the dog treats. I have him a free beer. I love my job.
Just bumped into my ex. Blowing a dude in the ladies' room at Disney World. I guess it really was her not me.
I just forgot I was standing up.
I just wish the first erections of my life didn't take place at a dentists office but hey whatever I turned out alright
I gave him a HANDJOB.
But then he finished from a handjob in under two minutes so who's really laughing?
A black cat walked my drunken ass home last night and made sure I made it back into the apartment safe. Sat with me for 30 minutes as I struggled to unlock the door. Guardian angel or drunken hallucinations?
Randomize
