Listen, i'm watching playoff hockey and eating waffles. i just don't have time for your drama today.
We decided that the paper cups disintegrating was god's way of telling us we had had enough
I really want to go out tonight but part of me wants to be able to honestly tell the judge tomorow that I didn't
I feel like I need to get rid of the black eyeliner, glitter, and tequila breath before I to that world poverty conference..
the night got glorious when you tried to do an upside down keg stand with a near empty key and dropped it on your face
You may have graduated college on time, but my 6th year ass gets to see awesome tits every day just for showing up.
No, trust me. Falling down the stairs is a fucking sobering experience.
Woke up fully clothed in bed sleeping on my purse.....we're back!!!
i'm going as a slutty football player, and all night i'll drunkily whisper "id love to catch your balls." into random strangers ears.
I've been asked to reupholster their slam-couch so I found some off-cuts of medical-grade, hermetically sealed fabric. She'll be slammed upon for generations to come.
He added his name to my To Do list. That's the way to my Type A heart.
I say camping because "let's go get hammered in the woods" sounds kinda fucking weird to be honest.
How was your night?
I spent a lot of money and drank a lot of booze. Also was part of a successful search party
She gave me a job then fed me cheesecake in bed. She's a keeper!
I woke up uncovered, spread eagled to my dad saying "you really need to stop sleeping naked."
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