Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
it was terrible. i could've done a better job by myself.
Yeah, you spent an hour in front of the mirror trying to reenact the Sailor Moon theme song.
i am already firmly committed to doing irish carbombs w/ 12 different people, and the st pattys day party doesnt start for another 24 hours. i may die
Hi. I probably already told you this mid puke, but thanks again for babysitting me last night. How did I get in the car?
He is making me drink his THC water out of a milk jug.
Woke up this morning with my period. Saw a commercial for the beginning of Shark Week. I see what you did there, Mother Nature. My pad's off to you.
Wanna know what sucks. Banging the bosses daughter at work and having the boss walk in while you are fucking on his desk. Good day though. Made 6 sales
She walked out and announced that he was now part of our confused, incestuous, glorious eskimo family. I've never been more proud.
Campus is too small for this to keep happening
WAIT MOM THIS DOESNT NEED TO BE A FAMILY EVENT OK AARON DOESNT NEED TO BE AROUND FOR NIPPLEGATE 2014
I just wrote my resume on the same park bench I got felt up at in freshman year of highschool... I've truly come full circle
There is a goat eating lettuce out of our fridge. Do you wanna grab a bloody mary?
Um, when I went down on you it got stuck there. Still had gum in my mouth. Didn't exactly have use of my hands to assist
I don’t have the time, patience, or blood alcohol level to deal with her.
Its official, kitchen-couch is my favorite.
You passed out again didn't you?
its likely that this occurred.
Randomize
