i feel like after you turn 30 you aren't supposed to black out anymore
Alli causes anal leakage. You can find someone to like you if you are fat but no one will like you if you poop yourself.
I wish my dick could take responsibilities for his own actions
i cant cry in cvs. not again.
Walk-of-shaming home from Brooklyn in a Jesus costume that has "what wouldn't Jesus do" written on the robe.
Give me the approximate price and I'll give you the equivalence in blowjobs.
Just made nicotine water. Ithink i'm having a heart attack.
Life just isn't the same without him waking me up at 4 in the afternoon with a look of pity on his face...
Just drug him and when he wakes up be like "you just woke up from a coma, we've been married for the past five years." It'll be like the Vow but fucked up.
i was completely deserted.. so i stood outside starbucks for 20 minutes trying to convince the employees to open early and take care of me.. fuck you guys
Let's say hypothetically if you were going to put icing on a penis and then lick it clean...what would you ice it with? Not a knife right?
She's like the Jonah Hill of sorority sisters.
I am naked and annoyed.
...I just added shower water to my vodka on ice\n#sendhelp
How can i make it up 2 u?
DREW I AM SMOKING POT AND FUCKING. WE CANNOT DISCUSS THIS AT THIS PARTICULAR JUNCTURE.
Randomize
