thus making me awesome and them whores
I got an 8 ball and a free entrance pass to the strip club, if i dont get laid tonight I never will.
I knew she was going to get knocked up just by looking at her facebook pics
took 4 advil with a shot of vodka, figure i'd try to save myself now
Should you consider yourself out of control when everyone at the party is cheering you on while you're puking, and on the last heave you act like you're rolling dice right before the finale???
I apologize in advance for attempting to drunkenly hookup with your sister
You mean the girl who was passed out face down on the bathroom floor until 10 AM? You're right, she was cute.
You were telling me last night 101 proof was nothing and you needed 400 proof or better yet military or marine proof, because you're marine grade.... You rascal.
I'm puking in a turkey pan....
For every drunk face picture you send me, I'm gonna send a wholesome family photo.
His water bottle is sitting on my coffee table like a monolith dedicated to the things he is not doing to my vagina.
I'm afraid I might run into that fat chick that sucked on me in the hospital parking lot while her friend cried in the car next to us, but I may be willing to take that chance.
There is a drunken, assless white chick here at this bar wearing a shirt that says "REAL WOMEN TWERK FOR JESUS". I have officially had it with our generation.
You have not lived until you've had your brains fucked out on a broken down Tunnel of Love ride. Life is good.
" my drug dealer just stopped by and did an elmo impression for my 2 year old nephew."
Next time I will hook the Xbox before I get high I spent 30minuts thinking I was playing the Simpsons game when it was in reality a tv episode
Randomize
