In an effort to go green, I just used rainwater to fill my bong.
at least 'blackout me' had enough sense to take the puke covered duvet off the comforter.
He poured all of the vodka into the sweet tea and said that tomorrow it would be called 'surprise drunk.' then we had sex.
just passed out again, this time at a subway. On a positive not they gave me a free sandwich, pretty sure out pity but at this point i don't care
this is your 3rd pregnancy scare in 2 years, I think its time for you to re-evaluate the whole 'im a lesbian' thing
He went around feeding all the high kids pretzels. He's like their god now
Hint of advice dont get with minor league baseball players, you can google their stats but not their stds.
Call me when you get off. I have stories about black lesbians in jail begging to braid my hair...
OMFG "ASS" JUST STARTED PLAYING ON MY PHONE VIA PANDORA AS IM IN THE CAR WITH A CONGRESSMAN FUCKKKK
After we had breakup sex it took him longer to say goodbye to my boobs than it did to me...
But like now I know, men who are vegetarians are significantly worse in bed.
Just an FYI you do have to wear pants to lunch
I balled in the shower for 20 minutes, rolled up to the meeting late looking like a gremlin, and my one night stand was standing there in a suit
You cuddled up under the blanket because you said it smelled like Santa and vodka.
There are only a few things more freaky than wandering around a zoo drunk.
Randomize
