threw up during christmas carols. the audience at the church seemed to immediately know i was a college student
For future reference, even the most well-intentioned game of whiskey pong is a terrible idea.
Responsibility does not care about your dick.
Bruises. Everywhere. Table sex is dangerous
Thursday nights need to stop happening to me.
I peed glitter this morning and had a beard drawn on my face with eyeliner. Last time I do shots with gay Dan.
Mom just posted ur drunk pix from Cancun in the newly made "My not-so-fantastic son" album. Thought you should know.
She makes walking on a treadmill look like a porno. I wish I could send over shots as an ice breaker.
That's effing brilliant. We should start a business.
No, I don't just love you because you have big boobs. I just wouldn't visit as often.
It's ok, I like adventure. Just ask my vagina.
Also, horsecock action starts in about a month. Have you prepared yourself yet?
Any chance you used one if the curtain rods in the fireplace room as a sword? One is missing
He'd rather cuddle with his shitty little miniature dog than the half naked girl in his bed. I've lost all hope for him and my vagina
You thought her boot was a stray dog in your house..
Sorry I banged your sister. But in my defense you ain't fucked me in a month. In fact I should get a medal for keeping it in your family.
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