Can I crash on your couch? I just came home to find my wife giving two guys blowjobs.
Two?
Two.
It's really awkward to greet the pastor when I know I've licked chocolate syrup off his daughter's chest.
girl in the front row yawned. double jointed jaw. i know where i'll be sitting next class
I understand why you refuse to be sober now
Beer Popsicles are better in theory
She said she couldn't sleep with a guy who had blood stains on his ceiling. I tried to explain it wasn't my blood, but she still left :(
I specifically found a fat girl to lift me up on her shoulders.\n\nIt was glorious.
AND FUCKING MGMT JUST CAME ON. CAN I GO DROWN MYSELF IN LESBIANS OR SOMETHING? IS IT TIME TO LESBIAN
we're fated to lesbian
Dude imagine how many pictures of dicks Obama gets. That can't be unusual. Almost every kids in the US has written the president a letter.
Haha, maybe if he wasn't dressed up like Kimmy Gibler he could give her the D
No one parties "Full Karen". She once broke a couple up at the bar, ate the girl out in the bathroom and took the guy home.
Apparently there was a black out and the security alarms went off except I was convinced it was the microwaves and made ben unplug them all then got really frustrated cos he wasnt doing it right
He got an erection from helping me mobilize my lumbar spine. I love physical therapy school.
WAIT MOM THIS DOESNT NEED TO BE A FAMILY EVENT OK AARON DOESNT NEED TO BE AROUND FOR NIPPLEGATE 2014
I snuck a teenager into a club last nite, I felt like such a criminal. It was Awsome
Randomize
