I loved tuna sandwiches so much in grade school it was so embarrassing
Everyday all the kids would be like oh grosss whose eating tuunnaa
yeah my walk of shame consisted of driving on the wrong side of the road at 6am still drunk with cum drying in my hair and left eye.
I wish they had nachos that got you drunk
Dude, I just spun my iPhone on my boner without it falling off. I belong in cirque du soleil.
his pokemon pajamas? the fact that he was proud of the stretchmarks on his arms? or finding out he has a daughter that went to high school with us? ...you tell me what was the dealbreaker
Just left some random in my bed to go get mcdonalds breakfast. I'd say my priorities are on point.
He took the lighter and said "this is how I give myself a bikini wax."
He crawled over to me grabbed my boob asked me if I liked cats and then passed out. If that's really my RA, it's gonna be a long year
I'm gonna cougar town the shit out of that prom.
I told the DJ last night to play Third Eye Blind before 1:45 and just pointed at him as I walked away. He didn't do it and at 1:45 I just walked out pointing at him, without my friends
You were petting a 40 year old man's moustache for 15 minutes
I feel like that xmas present negates everything we were taught as little girls. Putting out DOES pay. God bless us everyone
Just wore the promise ring dad gave me freshman year of high school as a fake wedding band while I bought a pregnancy test. I think it's safe to say that's not what he had in mind with that gift 14 years ago.
Never thought I'd see the day when I got assless chaps in the mail, and yet here we are...
Wearing panties to a party gives you a whole new perspective on life.
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