oh wait, my morality sensor is a little fucked up since I almost let my little sister's friend blow me.
I had a dream once that juice was flowing out of my kitchen faucet
Fun fact: Antibacterial soap will not take the combined smell of bbq sauce and vagina off your hands.
The police scanner is talking about you again....
I feel like a really awesome person when i have to check my roof for things i've lost
Taking shot for every red box on your worst bracket. I have 30. I might die tonight.
some crying dude holding an empty fifth of burnetts just showed up at our door and asked 'do i live here?'
the campus cop used the word depravity in our citation.
why is my forehead so bruised?
i found you outside knocking on the door with your head because you couldn't lift your arms.
She wanted to make popcorn, but the air-popper was broken. So she dumped the entire container of kernels into the clothes dryer. Drunk movie night was a success!
N I'm drinking this invention I call "do-it-fluid" I had a bottle of vodka that was 3/4th empty, so I put in 1/4th rum, 1/4th tequila, 1/4th whisky... it's definitely the worst idea ever..
She just spat tequila at me... Like a fountain... A broken fountain
I'm so confused as to where the sexual euphemisms end and the drinking starts
Vasectomy results are in. No swimmers in the water. REPEAT. No swimmers in the water. Come help me harness my new found super-power
Most people that see those numbers aren't going to realize what they mean and those that do will think 'oh those must be her favorite hockey players' and not 'oh she wants to see those hockey players fuck each other'.
Randomize
