every time i drive by the road she lives on, i scream in the car "i'm sorry i'm sleeping with your boyfriend!" makes me feel less whore-y.
its good she wears the same dress to all the weddings so we can track how fat she's really gotten
so glad i banged her when she was skinny
So i think we're being coned into a threesome with the promise of pokemon
I'm stoned and have been watching so many cartoons that I changed the channel and real people were on, and it scared me
They were done having sex when I went to the room. They had that look on their faces.
Disappointment?
I'm gonna make this happen. You think it would be too forward to text him my room number with turn by turn directions straight to my crotch?
I am downstairs in the bar now having a beer...actually I ordered two beers and placed one across from me in front of an open chair. I did this for appearance sake, so nobody knew I was double fisting all alone. I'm getting hungry now. I'm thinking of ordering two meals just to keep appearances up.
I couldn't tell you were laughing too hard
Dude I thought I set my hair on fire. I wasn't laughing I was screaming.
Well call me tomorrow, it's a great story that may lead to me being fired and/or possibly being buried in a shallow grave somewhere out in wine country.
STOP TELLING PEOPLE I PEED ON YOU
Im drinking ciroc out of an ice cream cone... my night is going fantastic
How much do you charge for your Funyun and beer delivery service?
I need to sanitize my soul.
How bad was it?
Stopped drinking Sunday, hungover on Tuesday bad.
Saw the Peanut butter guy at checkout he had at least 30 containers of it and like 6 different kinds...
Randomize
