is your mom at the bar?
I served up a girl her first a2m the other day. You would have been proud.
I want you more than these girls want KFC
She threw up in the hot tub how's your night
They had their heads out of the car singing the wrong words to the national anthem as we drove through traffic of people leaving the fireworks. AMURICA
And really all I wanted was to be like "hey can I borrow your dick for a few hours this weekend?"
We got out of the car in valet drinking beers we gave the valet one as a tip
Most people would probably take his lack of responses as a queue to stop. But nope, not me. I just keep going. And that's why I don't have a bf, just a little weinered friend
and then I said "oh, I see the price of Plan B has gone up". and the pharmacist looked at me very sadly. I was just trying to make conversation.
Can I just text her like "yo sorry I fucked your boyfriend, let's go get sushi" or like nah
Is it weird that sometimes I like to have sex for the health benefits and workout more than the pleasure
For not being a nurse or a sex worker I have seen an alarming amount of penises.
I got myself off in the shower last night for the first time ever! I just looked like I was playing a game of twister.
I take Paypal, cash, sexual favors, and roasted red potatoes with garlic as payment. You choose.
Public service announcement: Just bc it is Margarita Monday does NOT mean your stomach will readily accept that much alcohol. There IS a reason it isn't called Magical Monday. On that note, better luck on Tequila Tuesday.
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