Do you not remember dry humping your dog for 20 minutes at oxfest dude?
reasons why jon gosselin is probably ur biological father: 1. ur half asian 2. hes everyones biological father 3. u wear ed hardy
sounds legit
Well as our DD it was my responsibility to get us home safely. If that meant strapping you down to the backseat using all 3 seatbelts then so be it.
dude. this chick is staring at me like i gave her brother herpes.
So last night ended up making out with a girl going to jail on sunday...she wrote down her address so I can make conjugal visits...
I have an erection and I'm about to go through airport security.
i wear a size 32DD bra. its basically impossible for me to get a speeding ticket
ted dressed as a cardinal led an expedition across campus. i felt like one of the 12 apostles.
Literally just napped at strip club. Don't know how long
I don't know man, I woke up and shes here acting like she knows me, wearing my clothes, and scrambling eggs in my kitchen. I don't know her.
You were drinking with me last night, I warned you.
Btw when I was saying "fuck you" I meant it like "be quiet beautiful princess"
Is it too soon for me to wonder what sex with him would be like?
Ugh I feel like I just got hit by a big giant sex bus.
Based on my calculations, I should be blackout by approximately 11:14pm and that's when I need you to take my phone away from me. Mkay?
No idea who's grandma but people were just running around naked
Randomize
