two of my INSANE ex girlfriends just texted me saying their coming over because im home alone. needless to say, im deleting my twitter.
There was a pool of blood on my desk and we still don't know who it belongs to. missed a good party, man.
the last 2 times weve had drunk sex ive had to get the morning after pill.. he's turning into a real expensive fuck buddy.
Judging that there's a photo of me getting head while sitting on a graveyard tombstone.....not good.
It's been 5 months since I last wore a condom.
Not including when spray tanning
He is making me drink his THC water out of a milk jug.
You used up your allotted blow job minutes for the month of April last night anyways
Guy, there will be accountabilities this weekend that you will need to respond to, or else.
Their engagement party consisted of them doing shots, yelling at each other, leaving for 30 minutes, and coming back with smiles.
I'd say they're off to a great start!
I think that means you're growing up...when your coke nail becomes your opening mail nail.
Cooked breakfast with his mom this morning...I'm like the housewife of one night stands
Just saw a woman in bootie shorts and a winter coat at the library. God. Bless. Prostitutes.
No he's here. We were watching Harry Potter stoned as shit and he fell asleep with his head in my lap. I'll figure out what to do with him after Harry gives Dobby the sock.
Planning a foam party. Swimsuits are mandatory, and please no granny suits. If you wear a granny suit I will stick you in the corner and put a cone hat on your head.
It's six am and her daughter just walked in on her mom and roomful of naked people playing strip spoons. glad Im apart of that childhood memory....
Randomize
