Have you ever seen a 300 pound pregnant lady's boob fall out of her shirt cuz she's not wearing a bra? I have.
i wish my apartment had room service that i didn't have to pay for.
She called herself a train and then took off all her clothing. I forget everything after that.
I saw you two flinging Jello at the sidewalk if that helps jog your memory.
Subtly mention that I'm not a lesbian. I would only go for rebecca's nipples because they're pierced and I like shiny things.
No one understands that once a girl pours a handle of smirnoff all over herself, clearly she is wasted
This guy either needs to stop touching me or buy me another drink.
You were demanding water from a bottle but I didn't have one..so I just took the water bottle from the hamster cage. You're welcome.
As i was walking home this morning some old lady was walking her dog and i said hello to her as our paths in life met, then i proceeded to puke in someones front yard and never looked back
(540): I ran 10 miles and then took a dump behind a rock. What the fuck have you done with a hangover that's comparable?
New low. Just realized I hooked up with a guy from Grindr in the hallway of a building my great grandfather used to own..
i snuck out to taco bell in my hospital gown earlier
Monday funday. I brushed my teeth with antibacterial soap. hangover I did not have.
WHEN YOU HAVE SEX WITH A GUY FROM A DIFFERENT COUNTRY YOURE SUPPOSED TO NEVER SEE THEM AGAIN
We turned his nipples into a drinking game.
I think there is cocaine on my toothbrush.
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