As my groomsman, I expect you to learn the Thriller dance with me before next September.
Where are I am going home with Ryan
I don't know who this or Ryan is but it is probably too late to talk you out of it
how am i supposed to spank it to a shakira video when she looks like she is doing the robot?
I just busted my ass on the ice in front of my entire AA meeting. As if being there wasn't embarrassing enough.
his dad came out and found me sleeping indian style on the couch with my cup balancing on my boobs. didn't spill a drop.
Just traded the drive-through guy at BK a Dos Equis for a Hershey pie before noon... win?
Just had sex in the darkroom, while a class was going on ten feet away. I finally have a good sex story.
He told me to be careful with the shrooms because he mostly had caps left. He sounded apologetic but that's the best news all week.
Is it bad that I've been making new friends through your vagina networking? I don't think so
NO I WILL NOT SET YOU UP WITH MY TWIN WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU?!? JUST BECAUSE I WONT BLOW YOU DOESNT MEAN YOU CAN STALK HER AS A BACKUP PLAN YOU SPANISH BASTARD
So apparently, after 11 beers, 2 pitchers of sangria and 3 rhum & cokes, the idea of popping a load of MD and jumping on the trampoline, in the woods, in my underwear was the best one ever.
Did you put Adderal in the fishtank in the lobby? The fish are acting like Olympic sprinters. Asshole.
That cat I follow on Facebook beat cancer so we're drinking tonight in celebration
He asked if I was a pirate because my "arrrrrrrrse" was worth burying. 10/10 for effort, 20/10 for serial killer vibes.
You tried to chase every shot with a blueberry.
Randomize
