Afterwards she curled up in my dog's bed and slept there all night
How mad was your dog?
just saw my sister at the strip club... dont think she's "taking a night class over the summer"
White boys cant dance....we did an empirical study
Standing here next to my mom talking to my friend trying to act like he doesn't sell me E every weekend.
he legitimately fell asleep standing up at the club. everyone was impressed
Her facebook status is 'PERCS ON DECKKK~' which is probably why she still lives with her parents.
It was odd. His friends dick tasted the same as his. Friends are beginning to have to much in common
The couple that wants to take me home just paid the bartender $100 to pour tequila down my throat. I think I'm in some type of twilight zone where stds run rampant and the alcohol floweth
The front desk girl just had that condescending welcome-home-from-your-walk-of-shame face on
It was probably because you set your bra on the couter while you found your ID...
Hey could you buy me 2 bottles of arbor mist? I'm trying to get laid tonight
You have not lived until you've puked on your sequined UGGs in the Rite Aid parking lot while going to buy emergency contraceptives.
I have found random beers stashed in my purse and microwave... Apparently I thought 2015 was gonna have a beer shortage
My boss stocked the communal fridge with Gatorade. It's like he wants me to come in hungover.
i guess "never drinking again" is not an option when you invent a whole new level of drunk...
Drinks have officially taken priority over self-respect, and I'm not even all that torn up about it.
Randomize
