did you violate me with a mr sketch marker when i passed out? i just peed and wiped purple and it smelled like grape. i need to get to the bottom of this...
as nice as a boyfriend sounds, a relationship would require morals and self-restraint - both fields in which i lack.
momma always taught us never to change for a boy..
We were making out and then he stopped and said to me, "Your ship is right there, why don't you take your people and just go?"
Ironically her ferret's toys look like her sex toys.....this is a whole new level of kinky for me
I miss waking up, opening the closet downstairs, and finding you inside passed out.
Sharon took in a random bleeding stranger drunker than her, named her Nicole, and is feeding her jello shots on the toilet
I've created a drink called, "watching the sound of music with grandma." its straight vodka
Ohmy god im about to fuxk my TA. i thyought this was a dream but i love you. <3
Complete silence. Background Willy Wonka music. An empty back of Lay's BBQ chips. These are the ingredients for an extreme acid trip.
Step one go to argentina step two fuck bitches it's a simple plan really
Mystery solved. Def had ice creme last night. There is a melted half eaten ice creme bar next to the bed. Which had melted onto my pillow. That explains why it was in my hair too. Im a fucking sherlock holmes over here.
What's sign language for "you may not be the father?" Kinda important right now.
I can feel my liver begging me to stop.
the police told me I had to sign a waiver stating that my car will no longer be used for crime activity.
Well I just saw a fully naked man doing a headstand in a cooler of ice water.
Randomize
