I actually just cleaned easy glide lube off my desk. My life has gone way down hill since I met you.
We should be flying into LAX instead so when we land I can turn to the right and see the Hollywood sign
You can't even see the fuckin Hollywood sign from LAX. guess she never got the memo
Isn't the perk of being in a relationship not having to put in effort for sex?
I'm at the bass pro shop. They have a river full of trout and turtles, a shooting range, a full bar, and the patriots cheerleaders are here. I now understand why people are rednecks. I may never leave
i found the one person in the world who takes longer to cum than i do... mutual dissatisfaction is probably not the best foundation for a relationship.
I don't remember. I think I elluded to the fact that I would buy him a dildo for his birthday.
We've gotten 3 pitchers already by trading for CUPCAKES
you're usually drunk when you offer. there's one time you called me, told me not to dye my hair red, and asked if i wanted to see your tits.
Yeah. Moral of the story: Don't mace yourself. It sucks dick.
Her roommate was talking on her cell when I came out of the bedroom and I definitely heard her describe how shitty and terrified I looked. Awesome.
We should try to put a bagel on your penis
Dick is healthier for you than green beans
So your telling me I can lick your ass but you CAN'T spend my money
all i'm saying is don't blame me if your purses are filled with whoppers
are we talking malt balls or BK?
The people at Perkins seem so judgemental. Big deal if i'm handcuffed to stripper in a star-n-stripes bikini. We still gotta eat.
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