got arrested for "breaking and entering" last night when i supposedly went into the wrong house made a sandwich and tried jerking off to porn on the tv...the cops told me they came in while my dick was out...oh and i missed work this morning and got fired
He was legit dry humping me to the sportscenter theme song, awkward i think SO.
i think our first tip to leave should have been when we saw the drinks were coming out of a gas can
it's already thursday and i haven't gotten drunk yet...something's not right.
When he came he kept saying "oh god oh god" and he sounded just like his dad. awkward...
Robbie told me you spent 10 mins discussing the curl in his hair and that you said "with that curl in your hair, you'll go far"
Where are you and who are these girls passed out on the floor?
and why are they spooning a flamingo?
they traded weed for a spot on our floor. be nice.
He ate me out on the kitchen floor while we waited for the cake to bake. How was your Valentines Day?
We found you facedown on his couch in a pile of cheerios, with only one shoe on. Dude you said you were staying in last night.
All three of my roommates have their significant others over. We're all hanging out in the living room. It's like I'm the trifecta of third-wheeling
You are the best. Or certainly adequate for tempering my unholy desires.
That's the nicest thing you've ever said to me.
Ended up at the strip club, got told I should be a dancer 4 times, got free tacos and my hot TA slide in the dms. How was your night?
He said it only counts if it ends up on the internet
she told him my safe word. I'm gonna casually work it into conversation and at him suggestively to see if he realizes i want to have rough sex with him
Someone should walk up to them and say, "We're sorry, you're too hot to be out here with the other humans."
Randomize
