Sorry I totally forgot to text you back. When you texted me I was at work at the pharmacy and it was stupid busy. And then of course I had my 8 hour "shoot me b/c half of Loyola comes in to buy plan B" shift.
I either date the nice guys or the assholes. There isn't any in between.
You need to find a taint.
Maybe if you date her you can take a dump on her
the last girl i hooked up with and the last guy i hooked up with are hooking up right now. this is where bisexuality becomes a problem.
i think the bruises are from the grocery store. on separate occasions. i've been spending a lot of time drunk at the market lately.
i have a vague recollection of being in the parking deck around 4 this morning, and on monday morning i was naked on the roof.
that would mean it's on tape
She just drank the vanilla extract. Again. AGAIN. No one should be that eager to get drunk.
Man when i saw they were the only ones hard core grinding to the Cha Cha slide against the wall, I knew they were gonna have sex tonight.
Im just a social blackout drinker.
hey watch out, they threw flour on everyone who passed out at their party last year.
WHAT KIND OF DUMPSTER DOESNT HAVE PIZZA IN IT?
I just heard my parents fuck. What. The. Fuck. My rooms right under theirs.. My dad barely even lasted a minute. Im almost ashamed..
Yeah, I'm sure we have time for sex AND ihop.
you know that australian accents are like the bat signal to my vagina
I shaved my balls for you. Do you have any idea how hard that is?
I woke up to the sound of her peeing at the end of the bed at 4am.
Randomize