i don't like sucking hair
She's JV to your varsity
I finally got laid.. you said it wouldn't happen.
I'll show rhose boucners: You don't let me in, I poop on your pool.
He was carrying a rolled up carpet saying he was saving it for tomorrow's Walk of Fame.
i think i made a good impression on his friends wen i survived 55 cup beer pong
Just heard the words 'Pussy Riot' on NPR...I almost crashed my car.
Please save me from this creative non fiction class. I just wrote a paper about how I spend unhealthy amounts of time with my cat.
I spend unhealthy amounts of time watching RuPaul's Drag Race.
I referred to the cat as amicable.
i gave up on the vacation being fun the night i ate all the marshamallows out of the lucky charms while everyone else was having sex in the condo
I did coke with the Royal Navy last night. God save the queen.
They cut me off when I tried to pee in the corner of the bar.
It finally happened. Some guy just tried to catfish me with my own dick pic. Of course I told him that it was the hottest dick I'd ever seen and that I would do anything for that particular dick.
You pee in parking lots....i drive home naked.....thats the american dream i was promised
I definitely almost just pulled a condom out of my purse instead of money for my dad.
Replacing my paralegal is easy. Replacing my favorite office fuck toy is a totally different story. Damn him for wanting to better himself instead of being my manwhore
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