if i dont get laid while im dressed as Tim Tebow, i'm just staying true to the costume.
We were busted for public indecency in the back of my car in the parking lot. This time we were just reading my Cosmo magazine.
He came in asked for the bathroom and came out 10 minutes later dripping wet took his redbull and left.
There's a paramedic out here, what have you done?
Hahaha I asked him about her bjs and he said "I would not wish that on anyone"
I'm at breakfast at my kid's school and I have noted at least 3 other parents with last night's red wine mouth and bleary eyes. I don't know why I always get so paranoid.
I can't in good conscience help you bag a Catholic girl who isn't at least a 7.
work has become about six times more interesting since i started fucking my boss.
These welts and bruises from letting gay boys whip my thighs last night are a clear indication i should lay off the tequila.
Well I woke up at my house so that's a plus. But I'm pretty sure I peed on my sofa because I woke up in the pee position.
I'll admit it. It was a bad idea to sneak a fart out while she was taking a nap. Can you bring me a pair of underwear from my dresser. Preferably the one with the walruses in party hats one.
We are the rockettes of vaginal bleeding
My good Christian morals say no, but my complete disregard of anything related to religion says yes
You gotta come over now. He is eating cupcakes while they are still in the foil.
APPARENTLY I MISSED SOMEONE SWALLOWING A WHOLE BAG OF METH WHILE I WAS ON BREAK.
Randomize