yo I sort of want to fuck rachel maddow. but I'm not a lesbian. actually I reaally want to so maybe I am a lesbian. at least on weekdays at 9.
FYI..good luck when you get back from work.. mom and dad know about the boy you brought home last night
haha good one..how did you even know?
we all know. he obviously didn't leave when you might have told him to.. he came down when we were eating because he coud smell mom's cooking. the dude ate with us and offered to say grace. so yeah, good luck.
aparently we are going to have sex infront of her friend. ill call you tomorrow
he had to chose between the booze and condoms
what did he choose?
the booze, then looked at me and said, plan b is free right?
Just stuffed an entire cupcake in my mouth after finishing third glass of wine. Valentines day is pretty much going how i expected it.
Just got caught staring at a woman breast feeding. My only response was, "She's so adorable".
Hey remember that spam cooked in dr pepper we made? 10x better when the dr pepper is rum
He left in the middle of the night, he left his shoes behind and stole my doc martens..size 6 female. Wtf?
All of my exes are either overweight and neckbearded or dead. Someone out there is looking out for me.
I made out with drunk Joe Dirt and then put his mullet wig on for him. True Halloween romance.
ok NEVER tell the strippers its your birthday. i think i have to burn these clothes and take a bath in bleach
Guys, as my favorite vagina consultants I have to share something.
My professional advice is not to put lemons in your lady pocket.
the fact that I always have. bottle of tequila in my purse is not helping my current sitch
Between his smile and monumental dick even the virgin mary woulda blown that man and I am far from the virgin. I didn't stand a chance.
you said you were going to the bathroom. we found you an hour later laying in the backyard clutching a bottle of vodka while singing the beatles and crying
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