i blacked out hard core.. it was bad peeeed muh bed
yesterday i saw a blind man guiding himself into a NYC tour bus... and i thought i waste money
it makes more sense than having a misplaced asshole
im not talking about this
no they seem fine, they're doing push ups and waiting for a charging toy helicopter
My friend just ordered a beer and poured it on the floor in celebration of open bar night
He screamed for everyone to hide, unplugged the music, then talked to the cop. Last I saw he was high fiving him...
He's the fucking cop whisperer.
She started ignoring us once we told her we were out to celebrate your abortion. Who knew strippers could be judgemental?
I'm thinking he has to buy me dinner at least twice before i even start considering casting him for "Fuck buddy - understudy."
obviously he wasnt ready for this jelly and you can quote me on that
she just announce I'm david copper field and tried to shove a napkin down my throat
This is the second girl that said she wanted to fuck me while wearing a clown nose. Fuck online dating
Oprah Winfrey is a jealous, vengeful god
You're going to hell! And you're going to hell! And you! And you. You're all going to hell!!!
Haha ohman remember when I peed in your blender? Gotta love college.
YOU DID WHAT???
He jizzed all over my ID badge. HR is gonna be pissed...
My roommate randomally bought me two bags of pretzels. Worst "Sorry you can hear me fucking my boyfriend everynight" gift ever.
Randomize
