she was left over bi-product, like the hotdog of the human race
Hungover snowboarding. Puked off the lift and traumatized a group lesson for kids. Crash course on adulthood.
i also performed surgery on a chicken burrito from what i can tell from my scissors
She dumped a fish bowl of alcohol on herself. Just like flash dance.
Whoever I saved in my phone as "Jackpot" last night has your keys.
I just woke up tangled in fishing line while wearing someone else's bathing suit with fishes drawn all over me. What kind of sex did we have?
I miss yesterday.Today's hangover makes yesterday's look like a little girl with blonde ringlets playing hopscotch in the street with a ginger kitten.
HOLY SHIT. I JUST FOUND OUT THAT THE KARL/RORY BASEBALL FIGHT THAT RORY LOST WAS 2 YEARS AGO TODAY. RIP KARL'S DICK.
Yeah! Don't let me leave the house without marijuana and a juicer.
I'm sorry that running around town like a frenetic wombat trying to find you KY jelly isn't good enough for you.
I am going to paint butt plugs like little Christmas trees and give them as gifts.
You could paint cock rings as wreaths.
I grabbed the pretzel bag with my toes last night. I think that day of yoga had paid off.
I also tried to hide a bottle of vodka in a build a bear last night so that something that happened in my life
just blew him in the library. I am a classy dame
Hello! Time means nothing. Good morning! I have a vague idea of what day it is.
It is Muednethiday, March 34th, in the Year of Our Lord Joe Exotic 3099.
Randomize
