OMFG, I'm seriously about to get fairly unpolite with this guy.
Wow. I bet he's shakin' in his boots.
so this guy comes in from the patio covered in puke and says "we gotta go"...Yup u need to go is an understatement
They have a guy from new zealand living under their stairs.. they don't charge him rent. He just buys food and booze and bartends their house parties.
I just masturbated to a Jock Jams cd. What have you done today?
Do not deep throat a rocket pop, it WILL go into your lungs, and you may die.
drinking from the bathtub cause I'm too lazy to walk downstairs and too thirsty to care
But break dance skills will only take you so far
Don't know why you're always hating on relationships. I've had chocolate pancakes accompanied by a blowjob and a blunt and it's not even 9 am. Time for mid morning shower sex. Enjoy your morning bong bowl alone asshole
Just me, my martini, and my backup Martini.
You tried crawling through the apartment window instead of going through the wide open door next to it
I tried sex in a car once. It was like trying to do yoga in a drainage pipe with your arms and legs tied while using a typewriter with your penis.
Not entirely sure how I got drunk off 2 mimosas but here I am
I think I'm just gonna exercise my lungs and fingers. With bong hits and crochet. BECAUSE I AM A REAPONSIBLE ADULT DAMMIT!!
I'm a mess. I mean I almost got off but I'm a fucking rubics cube down there so il givenhim the point
never let me tell the bartender to cut me off, i basically told on myself
Randomize
