very cute, but more "I wanna put you in my pocket and keep you as a pet" and less "please bang me" type of cute.
I like daylight savings. I don't care if it's 4 oclock it's not daydrinking if it's dark out
seek help.
it's like your virginity...sometimes you have to pretend like it's still there
Now he's lighting his socks on fire
You should've come out last night, I need someone to explain why the bartender tried to strangle me...
Don't ask how or why, but I think the 775 on the inside of my lip is permanent
She asked me to head butt her and after half a bottle of whiskey that seemed reasonable.
I'm so confused. I feel like I just intentionally took roofies to see where I'd end up.
We woke up in the room with a hamburger patty on the bed side table, one bun across the room, and the other bun under my pillow. Still don't know who ordered room service.
i found you in bed eating fish fillets dipped in chocolate pudding
I feel like there is something fundamentally wrong with me as a woman. My initial text to you was "What's up, fuck bucket?"
I'm eating your cookies as payment for having to listen to you. Happy sex
I just realized I'm having shark week, during shark week.
Well, I just puked in the shower in case anyone wants an update on how my day is going
I miss the pre Covid days when we could meet men in bars. Hitting on guys in the grocery store is just depressing
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