no it's cool...i'm just drinking and studying...cool night
I decided to name my penis gatorade...is it in you?
my roomate judo was messing around with a girl who recently had a kid, when he was sucking her tits milk came out lmao
The lady at the touchless car wash just gave me the look of death. How do I say, "sorry it's not my puke" in Spanish?
I had my first sober conversation with his roommate. I remembered half way through that the first time we met I was getting fucked on his counter
i ran into my coworkers when i was walking home last night. i was shirtless. i think i gave my shirt to Walter. he's a cat.
im still drunk. birthday week begins.
You called your ex's vag an "AIDS Pinata". Drunk You is the Hulk Hogan of insults.
he was extremely fucked up- he thought my sports bra was his boxers. even when his leg wouldnt fit. at least whiskey dick wasnt a problem
We got kicked out of Walmart for playing cod with squirt guns of course it was better then prom.
It's definitively the wine. Every time I can drink and work I feel like I win at the game of life.
hooking up with him was much more fun when i knew in the back of mind we'd get in some sort of trouble for it
She took her panties off, then farted in my general direction. I guess we're at that stage in our relationship.
CUTE BOY IN THE OFFICE WALKED BY AS I WAS STARING IN HORROR AT HARRY POTTER THEMED SKELETON PORN
The FEDEX guy just cock blocked me by getting his van stuck in my driveway
God knew I'd have horrible taste in men, so made me asexual to ensure I'd never fuck them.
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