i'm 85% sure that if you don't visit me i will do something awkward and potentially dangerous to you in your sleep involving chocolate milk and a sham-wow.
i found her turbo button.....if you know what i mean.
i was so drunk that i ate a carrot out of her guiena pig's cage and thought it was normal
i love when people i haven't talked to since we fucked write on my wall.
The freshman sure do fuck up the whataburger line at 2am
She just tagged pictures of you wrapped in the "above the influence banner" like a toga.
I really need to stop drunk texting. My one night stand just agreed to go roller skating.
I'm going to tattoo a maze on my back for the next fucker that tries to blow early ....
You can identity the picture as me the mistress his wife and him. It's that kinda awkard.
I found the crust to my pizza under my covers that's cool
Also, your girlfriend apologized to me about yesterday. That was nice of the cunt.
So now I'm just going to brush my teeth, get high, and go to sleep. Like an adult
I think even the taco bell employees judged me
I think I had Hypothermia but was too drunk to notice.
What's a sexy way to say balls deep???
Randomize
