Come here. I'm drunk. Family Function. Intense Pro-life vs. Pro-choice debate. Bring Republicans.
no, i'm proud of you. this is the happiest you've been since you discovered that bowls can be used as cups if you don't feel like washing dishes.
hooked up with a girl who spoke elfish last night..what up 8th grade lord of the rings fantasies
just used clorox wipes to give myself a whores bath. hello finals week
I feel like shaving is just admitting i'm gonna do him, even though im still on the fence
shave. it'll take 10 min. Better safe than hairy.
her boyfriend dumped her for my exgirlfriend. so filming our hookup is pretty much a definite.
Not to make her into that kind of girl, but she did have a condom mural
gave you a haircut while you slept. Please don't kill me.
The cop was more concerned with the fact I had cowboy boots on with shorts than the fact we were under age
he walkred up to the manager at dennys and said 'look, my friends passed out in your bathroom, can i go get her?'
Went to 3 separate liquor stores today and I just made a huge tray of jello shots. This will be the Thanksgiving that puts all the others to shame.
Remembering I sold my brand new Blackberry to a stranger for a few pints = Worst night of my life. Now to work out what I did with my shoes.
Sangria Flip Cup was probably one of our worse drunken decisions
Can't decide if it was more awkward buying sheets together or disposing of them afterwards
Julius Caesar had a huge penis
WTF are you reading?
Ha ha! No, the guy in the Caesar costume last night. We hooked up. His dick was huge
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