Why do all fat girls have "that smell"?
This is how scared I get when I ride roller coasters. And how scared I was when I had to poop when I had herpes.
she was pretty much dry humping my leg when her boyfriend walked in. he says "you should probably leave." all i could come up with was "YEAH, I KNOW!"
Lady came into work yesterday. Full on stache and beard. I've never concentrated on making eye contact harder in my life.
i woke up with a grocery list signed by "the people who ate all your shit while you were passed out"
i'm ready for this baby to gtfo so i can get coked out.
It's not prostitution until you're out of college. Right now it's just strategic boning.
Might just stay in and drink cuz of the hurricane. Yea I think Wisconsin might be safe but its a good reason to drink.
I needed a test subject that didn't know any of my friends so that if i screwed up no one would really know or spread rumours about how it was the worst bj ever
how exactly do you say, "i only agreed to meet you for breakfast because i thought we could go to your place and fuck afterwards."
Pretty sure that's a used tampon hanging from the tree outside my window.
Just drug him and when he wakes up be like "you just woke up from a coma, we've been married for the past five years." It'll be like the Vow but fucked up.
We made a pact to go to the nursing home together... that way we could stay high till the bitter end. Do you not remember?
I came on her face and asked if she wanted fries with that. Currently driving to McDonald's.
To potentially get me laid, I need you to send me your favorite memes.
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