No awkward lesbian experiences without me
If I were a boy, I'd name my penis Reptar.
ID DO HER
SHE HAS LUMPS OF DEODORANT IN HER ARMPIT, I THINK ONE FELL IN YOUR DRINK
I JUST WOKE UP ON A TRAIN
I SHUDNT B ON A TRAIN
scarred for life. way too high and witnessed some chick give a dude head on the dance floor
I hope your perfect outfit is a slutty power rangers outfit. That's been my dream wedding since I was a kid.
A man just poked my foot with his crutches while I'm shitting. Is that how the disabled gays ask for a glory hole blow jay?
Im laying on the couch wishing someone was here to pour wine in my mouth. I need an alcohol IV
Why is the clock ticking so loud? Now I know how Captain Hook feels.
New game I thought of while bored on the train. Anytime I get a text from an ex, I will randomly text a different ex. It's like a less charitable version of pay it forward.
Wedding party came into the bar an hour ago. Mother of the bride is a stage five clinger. send help.
Just discovered I was so fucked up last night I called in sick to work... TWICE
So I remember having an orgasm, but I didn't wake up next to anyone. Your dog is afraid of me. Is this a sick joke?
Wanna guess where my charger was last night.....in my cooler with my beer. I put it in there because I knew I would never forget my beer.
After returning from the hospital with lock-jaw from getting tackle at the game. Some naked chick busted out of his room and hit him with a devastating haymaker to the jaw because he wouldn't have sex
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