in the middle of sex he stopped to tell me that he loved me... then slapped my ass and told me "back to business"... im gonna marry him
I wish they made portable blow up dolls for girls.
It's called a dildo, genius. Go to sleep.
I never want a future conversation of ours to include the words "quart of semen" in it
I wish there was a "friends who have gained the most weight since high school" filter on facebook for when I am feeling fat.
i love how he claims to not know english but when i ask him to come over and fuck me he's all of a sudden fluent
His appology was" look at it this way, at least you'll give better head without those teeth.'
Is it sad that I just used my electrical knowledge to not only fix but improve my vibrator?
I was talking to a guy at my work, and mid-sentence he started vomiting violently for about five minutes, then he said, " great dope" and carried on like nothing had happened.
I moved my bed to the living room so when a girl walks in she has to decide right away if shes in or out
I'm serious. I have boob tassles if this is an exchange thing.
He forehead kissed me AND THEN asked what I was thinking. I'm taking away his man card.
I don't know which is worse, the fact that his name is Kevin or the fact that he has a pornstache.
If someone tells me they're a paramedic, how inappropriate is it for me to ask what their save to kill ratio is?
He said he would get me a helmet and bedazzle it with my name and address so the cabs would know where to take me
It baffles me why I still wear white underwear...
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