Todays outfit involves shorts with embroidered fish. This kids gonna die.
ok this guy next to me just sat down with a no joke, 10,000 page book, popped an addy, cracked open a red bull and opened the book to page 1.
You hooked up with a kindergarten teacher?
Yea. It's kind of weird knowing that there are kindergarten teachers out there with their nipples pierced.
We should make a goal to do one active thing a day, even if its like throwing a ball
And by ball i mean playing catch. Beer pong does not count as an activity
At a Jewish lesbian wedding. I stick out like a sore, uncircumcised penis.
Im just saying it can't be that bad if he drove himself to the er. We'll head that way when we finish playing scattergories
It's a journey
And the destination is his penis?
Precisely.
Virginity is like the pottery barn-you break it, you bought it.
Thanks....I've always wanted my vagina compared to an overpriced coffee table
I forgot to tell you. Your neighbor was walking his tiny dog and saw me crawl out of my jeep drunk vomiting and holding onto my bumper. He just said: morning! all friendly.
Some girl is sitting topless in the kitchen and having a Skype video chat with some guy. I already like it here.
I'm 99% sure I just flashed my dad with my vagina. So that's the new low now.
You FaceTimed your mom in the back of the limo telling her how many guys you hooked up with at the concert
I promise not to pretend to be Jesus and take the wheel. But to my credit you shouldn't be saying that while I'm that drunk and we are in a car.
I know you're having some issues right now but can we focus on the gangbang?
It’s only loud for those who wanna get loud. The bowlers are protected.
Randomize
