**** and his GF asked me to give his stuff back, and they would give me a 100. HA, they dont know I have it to charity haha
i was hoping the water fountain would somehow shoot out vodka this morning
That shot tasted like Sant Claus came in my mouth. I love the holidays.
Dude, I just cut my asshole on the new toilet paper. If you rationed the grocery money to buy drugs, I better be getting some.
Apparently I fed my Plan B to my turtle last night.
Whatever. I'm saving myself for my wedding night or a night with enough patron.
woke up outside on the porch naked surrounded by beer cans with a towl around my neck. i must be in heaven cause i've never seen this place before.
Wait..I think something else did happen last night my vagina is too pleased for this level of hangover..
I didn't ask for a picture of your soft dick.
Still at home. Videotaping hamsters.
it's just weird to think of you as a teacher since ive seen you throw up raspberry bacardi in my parents house
Definitely just threw up in a mcds cup going through Wendy's drive thru. I'm way to hungover to go to work today
Worst. Date. Ever. He peeled a layer of bread off his mini burger buns because they had "too many carbs".
after stripping the bed and soaking it with the "pet spot remover" I have, I decided in the best interest of my mattress and our drunk friends bladders, i should invest in rubber sheets.
I need weed and if he's hot, maybe he can supply me with sex too.
Randomize
