Take 3 tylenol pms and try to whack off before you pass out. It's impossible.
I just gift wrapped bread.
someone put bongwater in my humidifier again THIS NEEDS TO STOP
I'm really tired of your booty call eating my fruity pebbles.
What can I say, your life is charmed. I'm on the couch trying to decide whether or not to puke again.
So much to do, haven't done anything except hook up with sailors and work on my tan.
High Amy loves you. Sober Amy is unsure, but she's not here so fuck that bitch.
My ultimate goal is to get laid wearing a horse mask... That would be awesome on all possible levels
if i get arrested im counting on you to get a picture of it
It's one am and you're asking me if you should buy a plane ticket for a booty call.
Every time Brady gets sacked I cum a little...
Nothing says "Jesus has forgiven your sins" like finding out you're not pregnant on Easter.
I woke up and found my apartment really clean, appearantly drunk me couldn't tolerate living there anymore and left sober me a lot of insulting post-its...
2 weeks shy of 25 and all I’m wishing for is a secret admirer who pulls my trash cans to the curb Wednesday morning for me because I always forget to Tuesday’s nights thanks to it being dollar draft night at the local bar
just found a joint on the street in downtown. smoked it with the hot guy from my chem class
WHAT IS UP WITH YOU SMOKING/ DRINKING THINGS OFF THE GROUND?
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