somehow on my way home with matt, I ended up straddling steve on the sidewalk and polling the people walking by on whether or not we should have sex.
Dear Mark, please dispose of your crusty mcdonalds napkins used to jerk it at my desk
discrete masterbation is a lost art
we made margaritas with slurpies from 7-11 and beer.
it was like eating out sand paper
boobs and vodka. thats all i can remember, finals week needs to stop ending like this..
i've officially fucked a sailor, a policeman and a biker. I've never noticed my Village People fetish until now...
Found a dirty envelope on my seat w ur name and $122.50 written on the front. Nothing inside but what looks like dirty pine needles
Yes perhaps we are both wrong. And did you call me bj girl?
He told me I just kept sending him the word sex and dollar signs.
Make way for the handjob queen! She will grab what she wants, when she wants, and from whomever she wants.
Doing bumps while the kids play upstairs. #bestnannyever
In other news, the one guy I DIDN'T have sex with in High School is now famous.
The UTI came back with a vengeance.
whenever i get involved w someone i'm gonna give you their number to testify to the fact that they should not fall in love with me
It was probably the most embarrassing moment of my life. But I had cleavage, so I'm good!
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