After I talked about my ex for about twenty minutes, she just listened, sluts are so understanding
Just realized our kids will one day call us old because we were around when texting came about. I'm sad.
words cant express how excited I am to make January 1st our own personal version of The Hangover
i just opened up my bathroom cabinet to get deodorant and found 4 bottles of natty. Its like the world wants me to miss this interview
First date: that requires underwear, huh?
i feel like i was in a swimming pool of captain and coke and had to drink my way out
he told her to call him "Frog Legs" and she still fucked him and not you.
Oh no, we smoked the revival weed. It came in a Batman bag. It hit like justice. And orphans.
There should be a company that sends nadgrams. They're like candy grams except the recipient gets kicked in the balls.
why are there 3 differently sized panties on our kitchen counter?
Ok. As long as I can keep Kevin contained to the room I'll be ok. If not u might have a naked puking Kevin at ur door
I made him cum so hard he couldn't play video games for like an hour. I've never been more proud of myself.
I'm not a morning person, and, trust me, no matter how good your cock may be, it will not turn me into one.
He spilled some of his beer on your shoulder then proceeded to lick it off. By the face you made, I don't know if you were completely horrified or really turned on.
I still have that dildo-suction bruise on my forehead and this sweater STILL smells like my Christmas Eve vomit.
Randomize
