I should have bought two bottles, she left before I could feel her tits...
The one from last night got me a whole floor of Eskimo Brothers. There was a celebration of high fiving as I left
is cock-oriented a word? I'd say I'm that lately.
No i peed with you in the toilet. The guy I high fived was mid pee in front of the urinal
I was giving a campus tour, when a drunk senior came up behind me and shouted at the group, "If Jesus ain't your homeboy - get the fuck off this campus!" Looks like his religion course is paying off...
Yes, he did use his cock to direct traffic from my 3rd story window. That's why I love him
I'm still high with raccoon eyeliner eyes and chocolate all over my face and chest, clutching a mug of wine. Happy graduation.
Aside from the possibility of pregnancy, I'm going to call last night a raging success.
You rubbed a frozen pizza in my face. The concerning part was that it was semi cooked from our body heat
Why is "Oprah of drinks" written on my arms?
You said to write it on you, after you kept saying, "You get a drink, you get a drink, everyone gets a drink."
But can mardi gras accurately capture the essence of my tiny rage?
skyped with him for 45 min in the bath while i shaved my legs. new level in the relashionship
Was reaching for my vibrator this morning out of my nightstand and strained my neck muscle. I'm getting so old.
ATTENTION: just found out of have strep. if we have had sex in the past week, might wanna go to the doctor. if you plan to have sex with me in the next 20 days go buy some condoms. stupid antibiotics.
We hooked up and he sent me home with a plant and skittles lmao
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