She said she didn't have time to shave "there"
Then she shouldn't have had time to order the lobster.
clearly I should have checked to see if he was an NRA member before I went back to his house and woke up in Heston's haven.
The last thing I remember is you asking me how to grow french fries.
I told her I had the flu when in reality I did way too many drugs last night, haven't slept and don't want to sit through a 3 hour buisness meeting trying to figure out which voices are real and which are in my head
I dont know about you but I'm not getting out of bed this summer for anything but food or sex
Dude when we asked him where he lived all he could tell us was "by the slurpees." That fucked up.
It's like if a cloud had tits and you laid on them.
Yea I saw a friend of yours carrying your limp body somewhere
I'm eating ramen over the toilet. Fuck my life
I'm so fucking horny right now If I blink I might cum
I think you'll be amused to know that I achieved the impossible feat of tripping over my own dick
Woke up with champagne in my hair and honey mustard on my hands. Strangely, I'm okau with this
I have to make calls today at work. So I'm gonna call your phone and leave some random messages. Just delete them.
Do you lock your house? Serious question, I need to know if I can add it to my list of emergency poop stops
am drunk, naked, and blow drying cat. need adult supervision
Randomize
