So when jo picked me up from the bar I kept apologizing and kept telling her "I'm just a wittle donut"
He just told me he would murder a thousand dolphins to be with me. Quite the charmer.
Does my surprise involve the use of a safe word?
Probably.
I'm in.
I set the bag of cheetos on the open box on my coffee table while I was watching TV. I was so high I ate half of the styrofoam peanuts in the box by accident. Am I going to die?
I hope so
Does having sex in the men's bathroom on the boardwalk count as having sex on the beach?
My main thought on the Olympics: I need LESS cowbell.
The only word I understood in that whole setence was semen.
She is just riding on my slutty coat tails.
Just tell your mom you have to go somewhere half naked with a strange man. She'll understand
Almost bit the guy's hand who sits in front of me because he was stretching. That. Bored.
Who has the safety vest from this past weekend Additionally, who has the dancemaster glove?
I'm using my dog as a pillow. He's cool with it.
Last night I made him sit on my bed and finish my burrito bowl as I chanted "brucey" over and over until he was done like they did in Matilda with the chocolate cake
Please come over. It's a pajama and burn-2016-in-effigy party
That was fun and all, but let's never have sex on a ladder ever again.
Randomize
