You would get kicked out of the study lounge for being drunk the monday of finals week
Yeah not really sure what I said but I remember "douchebag" and "fuck your own face"
To a 70 year old lady?!
Please please please buy brown eye liner on your way home in the morning... I'm missing an eyebrow
Seriously! We need to take her a thank you note or something. She puts up with the drugs and the extremely loud sex. She deserves a thank you card.
You are the alcoholic guardian angel of raccoons
Ok in all seriousness. Alcohol intake is now restricted for me. I found handcuffs in my trunk.
Wow i don't think I've had to send this many texts apologizing for my behavior since high school...
MY FUCKING CAT JUST GAVE BIRTH AND IM FUCKING STONED AND I FUCKING DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO!!!
you were bawling because you felt bad for being so drunk and then you asked for a beer
Um went out in San Francisco last night and ignored someone hitting on me. So they bit my arm. Lmfao PLEASE TELL ME THIS ISNT THE SINGLE LIFE
New war strategy! The ex-girlfriend of my ex-girlfriend is now my twice a week booty call!
I made out with a girl because I wanted to get in the VIP section of the bar because they have these big comfy couches. It worked.
Sounds good. I'm hoping to have my life together by next week but you never know I guess.
OF COURSE I FUCKED HIM! Did you not read the part about him having red and green Christmas condoms?
Just to let you know we went to the circus yesterday...in case you didn't remember
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