You dirty dirty liar I like the way you twitter
My room smells like vodka and shame
just took a cab, driver just asked what i'd been drinking- i said vodka, he said "can't do vodka-drunk, it makes me feel like i'm giving birth to myself" ...no comment
I just heard these 2 kids from flint and Detroit arguing over whose economy is worse... It's really sad what passes for competition in Michigan these days
Even water is tasting like jack daniels
She's walking around topless with a bottle of red wine, crying and singing showtune ballads. This is actually an improvement.
I'm hiding in a cabinet. I'm going to stay here.
Archery is over so let's go back to not giving a fuck for the next 3 years and 11 months
He's so drunk he thinks he's the ultimate warrior. Told cops he was from parts unknown. Never broke character
Here is a brilliant idea passed on from men who have that same regret. WEAR A FUCKING CONDOM ALWAYS.
We lost you in the mall, but to no surprise we found you waiting in line to sit on santas lap. You said you wanted to ask him for a pound of weed and a subway giftcard for xmas.
Oh please not the Easy Cheese again. That was weird.
the conference was great. we had to hide the acid in a planter in front of the department of agriculture though
I can't sleep. Send Llama pictures.
Please don't think I'm weird for texting you this at 12:08 am but I just found another picture on the Internet where I think you can see his dick through whatever he's wearing
Randomize