should I fuck that poor girl
no dude she won't be able to afford a fucking abortion
i'm at a baby shower....never been happier to not be having sex currently
So... I'm really sorry I tried to sell you to random people in cars last night
I'll be heading downtown with donuts and a lawn chair at 9am to go Halloween Walk o' Shame spotting.
He will not just "come" out of the closet. He will fall out, 69ing me, with two fingers in his starving asshole, wearing cum splattered lady gaga sunglasses, weeping.
That was the greatest thing i have ever read.
After he came all he could say was how great the lighting fixtures where in my apartment.
Found your dick twin last night
Apparently throwing balloons filled with vodka off the roof is considered terrorism.
She was mad I came so fast. I was like, It's the Olympics! Fastest time wins! We can train you in the offseason.
Sometimes I just want to serenade his penis with cheesy 80s songs.
I'll have to text you later. Trying to have civilized conversations with the boyfriends parents when I'm 100% aware I just blew their son in the bathroom 5 mins ago. Stay tuned.
They should make eskimo sister bracelets. OMG WE NEED BRACELETS WITH IGLOOS ON THEM.
I sit across from him at graduation so I get to stare at him and think about how I fucked his step brother and laugh to myself
gave out my moms phone number instead of mine last night... thattttttttttttttt dunk.
Dude what happened last night?
I don't know, I'm still trying to figure out how I got my clothes back on.
Randomize
