OMG Im so trashed fishy! im sitting hereon my bed wif mcdonalds n i look like david hasselhoff!!!!!! kill me now
how did your night go?
he asked for my myspace name.
Bel-fucking-mar, this place has more popped collars than a Hollister catalog
HAH. HARRY POTTER CASUAL CONVO HAS BEEN EXTENDED TO DISCUSSING WEATHER. SO PRO
i feel like this needs to be a 'lose some teeth' kind of weekend.
Dude, I checked into a cathedral... I thought it was a joke, until I found a candle and a whole bunch of coins in my purse
Do you think you're physically and mentally capable of killing me? Because I'd really appreciate it.
You were telling me last night 101 proof was nothing and you needed 400 proof or better yet military or marine proof, because you're marine grade.... You rascal.
I'm puking in a turkey pan....
I'm trying to poop and took acid, this is going to end horrid or wonderful. Oh the amusement park, not the pooping.
New vibrator arrived today.
How was it?
Who are these wee mortals we call men?
I'm not coming to work today because tequila
You know you're an adult when you start planning your hookup a week in advance
Do not buy a prego test at the Walgreens you frequent. It's awkward. Just trust me.
Mmm vodka always tastes better when i know i have work at 8am
What has my life become? I'be officially recruited my fuck buddy for help getting my ex back.
Randomize
