Told my mom a bit ago she'd meet you tonight
Um...??
She's excited
worms taste like bacon by the way.
I always wondered what they tasted like.
but seriously ill do anyone in one of those hats with the earflaps.
I don't care. He smelled like a fucking chilli cookoff
whoever threw up in my shampooo bottle is totally getting defriended on facebook.
i tried to stop you. you just kept saying your split ends needed punishment.
he kept asking me if i had been in a pool or a lake recently, i didnt want to say i know where the swimmers ear came from. shower sex.
I really like you, but I want to get to know you on a time when I am not at drugs.
Literally I thought my ears were pouring out blood. That high.
Oh I love our desires, it's riding my bike at 2 AM with a massive erection that I dislike.
Passed out drunk in a tanning bed...
Did At The Beach call the fire department to get you like last time?
Ya know what's been the best part of this College Football Season? Not having to hear Brent Musberger say the Honey Badger 77 fucking times.
How are you getting in?
I know some influential drag queens
I knew there was a problem when things got heated and instead of rushing home I offered to get bagels instead
You've slept with someone mentioned in the NY Times, that officially makes you the most famous person I know.
I don't need to marry the guy. I just need some filthy, shameful wish fulfillment sex and then live out the rest of my life on the bean farm.
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