You're the only person with a favorite bar in Disneyworld
it took me about 5 minutes before I knew it was in her ass. i thought the first time would be a bit more special
the cops didnt even say happy birthday to me :(
I was thinking about baking his mom "sorry you found out i was sleeping with your son" cupcakes
I don't know how many crown and cokes he went through but I know it was more that I have fingers. We are never leaving Texas.
i want you to know that after i type the word "your" , vagina is next on my auto correct text
in the past 3 nights i've fucked a millionaire, a drug dealer and a civil engineer... i dont really have a "type" anymore
Drank a beer through my butt, how's your initiation going?
There was booze on his face and I wanted it. I'm not sorry.
I just woke up in the closet wearing nothing but a Santa hat.
Help me help you realize you are a moron
He struggled for a second trying to unhook my bra and I said "4/10. Novice."
i accidentally gave my stepdad ketamine so id say it was a fun weekend.
I am texting my fuck buddy about fucking tonight, while facebook chatting with his wife about food.
A total of 3 guys left my apartment this morning. That was my first clue to my black out endeavors last night. Gotta love wine Wednesdays.
Randomize
