What can I say...he's packing some serious heat down there. You wouldn't expect that looking at him, huh?
I guess God knew he was going to be bald...
Don't let the fact that shes seen my penis discourage you
You distracted them by dancing on the stripper pole, I ripped the flag off the wall, stuffed it in my pants and we were out.
Jen gave my number to some guy she met in NY. He sent me a picture of his weiner. He had nice shoes. I replied with a pic of bacon.
When in doubt always reply with bacon.
Today, my boyfriend informed me that I look like my dad when I orgasm
This is three metal detector wands away from being the strangest porn I have ever been in the audience for.
are we fucking for lunch or am I using my vibrator ?
Well, I washed his beard with dish soap and then I fucked him three times.
wait did i hook up with someone in mcdonalds last night?
You were talking to yourself and eating cold cuts in the kitchen when I found you
Other than unclothed paranormal encounters, how has your day been
I am serious when I say I think I broke a rib having sex with Kyle. It might be puncturing my lung. No lie. I might die today.
YOU SLEPT WITH A GUY WHO HAS A BILLBOARD IN HIS HONOR?
For future reference: bathtub full of cheeseburgers = win.
All I want right now is a waffle and some fried chicken and a penis.
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