I chose taco bell over sex...
good choice.
I just put anything in between my legs and hope for the best.
May God have mercy on my new vibrator.
Just left some random in my bed to go get mcdonalds breakfast. I'd say my priorities are on point.
I cannot for the life of me remember why I am holding this rabbit.
It feels like eating ice cream while riding a unicorn over a rainbow waterfall made of glitter.
That is possibly the gayest thing that was ever thought of by anyone anywhere.
Had mirculous sex while watching miracle. Until she got mad that I kept quoting the movie. Not my fault I'm a good multi-tasker
Do you believe in miracles?
Got stoned and went to Walmart. For some reason a preacher walked up and asked if I knew the lord so I just yelled "I CAN FEEL HIM IN MY VIENS" at the top of my lungs. he left after that.
whose parrot is this?
When the sex is so good, you need three fans and have to chug a gallon of water after
He was telling me about how he's leaving on his Mission next week... While we were having sex in the back of his car.
You randomly sent me a black Santa Claus emoji at 2am. I think alcohol was involved.
I shaved my balls for you. Do you have any idea how hard that is?
A picture of a damn cupcake brought back 3 fuckboys
Its only once in a life time you get to pick your vcard swiper up from jail
Randomize
