I think I just saw someone hide a body.
For what it's worth, your chances of anal go up the more she loves you. There's always a silver lining.
You drew a lightning bolt on your eye and stomach in eye liner and made me sing Poker face with you in harmonies. I never knew you were still a music major when you were drunk.
This weekend is gunna be a fucking shitshow. I don't even wanna know how many dicks will end up inside of me
remind me not to fuck anymore half bald 20 year olds. because obviously there's attachment issues
He gave me an orgasm before we even reached 2nd base, everything he did in high school is irrelevant.
You're in the clear; you and Andrew did not joint fingerbang that girl on the dance floor last night.
Maybe it's just my body's way of telling me I don't need pinky toes. Like I'm the next evolutionary leap or something...
I just think that if you're going to run around naked outside, a feather boa should be involved. Half for the flair and half for an emergency cover.
I just remembered that last night I ate nachos off of someone else's table with a stranger
The girl I was Skype sexing just asked for a moment of silence for robin Williams.
Are you awake? I feel like I need to confess my sins to someone not on this side of the country.
I shouldn't have that kind of responsibility when the prospect of being high is readily available. All I could do was hula hoop and smoke cigarettes last night. My remembrance of anything important was out the window.
for once I'd like a one night stand where I don't meet the guys mom or wife in the morning
He suck his junk in my HALF BAKED. Ben & Jerry would totally disapprove. This is worse than sticky dick donut day.
Randomize
