I am going to be in the room whjen you have your first child and spit on its face before its even all the way out of you.
no, he came in my armpit
1 of the best things of being a business owner is I don't get fired for having sex in the office
At the bar. Guy comes up wearing a hollister shirt and says "lets blow this popsicle stand"
You fucking left with him didn't you?!
call me tomorrow and ask me about coke-whore stripper. It hasnt happened yet, but im sure it will be plenty disappointing.
the girl next to me in class is drawing a guy banging a chick doggy style...its very detailed
By the grace of god and the ingenuity of Alexander Graham Bell, this text message is made possibe: YOU ARE A WHORE
We discussed our relationship status. We're dating exclusively. And the conversation was followed by him saying "C'mon baby, let's make you orgasm!" .....I'm gonna marry him.
i am already firmly committed to doing irish carbombs w/ 12 different people, and the st pattys day party doesnt start for another 24 hours. i may die
Mike is so stoned. I just heard him quietly mutter to himself "rock a piss" as he walked down the hall to the bathroom
Pretty sure my body is in shock, I shouldn't feel this ok after last nite.
All I want is to send a text that says "i slept with someone while wearing nothing but purple argyle socks this weekend." But the only person i would send that to is you. But you already know. Because they were your socks.
Yeah, I mean I'll probably fuck him regardless but I'm trying to be a lady about it.
Ick. That's not even the fun kind of punishment.
it's your last night here, let's make it one we may or may not remember.
Randomize