If you could channel this insane talent for stalking you'd be a great weapon for this country. If you had a crush on Bin Ladin, guaranteed he'd be found, monitered and tagged within five days.
Just saw a girl that looks like Michelle Obama and Im strangely aroused by her. Does that make me a democrat?
I just had a girl text me from knoxville "come see me. we'll go for drinks and I can make you breakfast"
how do you like your eggs?
over tits
My cousin just told me i smelled good. She must like the smell of cum.
whore
We can get Dustin to help us. I think he'd be good at luring girls into a dark alley.
we were having sex and the sweat made her make up run... seriously laid there and watched her face just melt into ugly.
All I got from that conversation with the officer was "blah blah blah, you're disgusting, blah blah blah, $500 fine, blah blah blah, be in court Tuesday."
You wouldn't be the first friend to shit himself in the last 7 days
Omg have I shown you my skeezy ex fiancée?
The other one.
Oh it's tea and biscuits for everyone. An possibly pink eye
if you arent using your penis to save lives, then what good is it?
What happened to you last night?
SO. MANY. SHOTS.
Its really awkward pooping while on videochat. Even if you turn the video off.
yea, she was legit pissed that her rasberry vodka ice cubes never actually froze. but we couldnt convince her otherwise.
For one week of my life every time I pull my cock out I want the Jurassic Park theme music to start playing.
Randomize
