Just saw a homeless guy with a sign that said "Family abducted by aliens. Need money for ransom" and on the back of the sign it said "And it's only $.88"
friends with benefits? more like friends with awkward sexual tension
dude, she was giving me a lapdance and her thong had a skid mark. no I did not hit it.
I got to find out the airplane alcohol limit, and somehow I made it through the flight.
his dick makes me think maybe a monogamous relationship forever is possible.
On the bright side his mom approves of me. Though it's apparently because she sleeps with married men and has a soft spot for "fellow homewreckers"
You guys bombarded us in the bathroom and that kid whipped his dick out and peed in the sink.
Steaks?
It's Ash Wednesday.
If you really think that not eating meat on a weeknight is going to keep you out of hell, fine. Can I use that chimichurri you made?
The only thing he told me before he passed out was that he is from Buffalo and I'm a bitch.
Scientific fact: if he makes a face like a demonic dog when he's fucking you, makes it easier to fuck without feelings.
This weekend I turned down sex to watch the Star Wars marathon... Is this growing up?
I'm pretty sure I hallucinated the existence of an entire human being last night.
I didn't realize how much I relied on you for a reason to drink on tuesday
remember when we said that thing when we met about how we were each glad we weren’t furries
ok listen,
im on a boat
How did you get this number?
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