we were doing it doggy-style and i felt him pop that pimple on my back.I have mixed feelings about it
i don't know what the guinness world record is for longest time eating nothing but skittles but i'm going on six days
Im forcing mysellf to pee so i can fit more margaritas in me...
He's slept with 25.5 people. Wtf is a half?
just run out there and shit all over the driveway when he comes.. and then point at him
I have fireworks and redbull; let's make heart attack inducing magic happen.
Just think Febushuary. A whole month of 70's esque bush! This is the dream
so when our kids ask "when did you know you loved mommy?" you're gonna say "when she sent me emoticons about slobbing on my knob?"
The guy at the ER said it was the first time he's given stitches for a funneling accident. Then he seemed upset that I took pride in that...
I'm in a dress, surrounded by Republicans, and the bartender just told me he's "out of Jack Daniels" in a very accusatory tone. Shit, is it only 8 PM?
We had a threesome and he gave us bottle rockets and a lamp for our apartment
We went to Olive Garden so high we didn't talk and managed to be awkward enough for the waiter to ask if it was our first date
I yelled at the cab driver to slow down because my unborn children live here, and pointed to my uterus. I think my message was lost in translation though because he immediately offered me his card...
answer honestly do you think i can make a bloody mary with ketchup????
You went into the bathroom, got in the tub with a pillow, yelled "this isn't as comfortable as it looks in the movies" then passed out
Randomize
