I specifically asked you not to be slutty tonight.
Someone told me they could tell we were from cincinnati because we say "as fuck" after adjectives
He told me he had herpes after I put his hotdog in my mouth
she definitely blew him on the riverbank, some lady floated past and said "have some pride honey", amazingly awkward
I'm eating cereal out of the pocket of my flannel right now
Yeah he gave the rest of the brownies to the bouncer that took his fake
Do you knowwwwww you never ha to pee while lhr on eztacy
tried doing a cartwheel after 10 beers. Guess who has a dislocated shoulder.
The trees feel like magic. Come fly to taco bell with me.
cool, get new shit, I dnt want the same old if it's my last drink ever
The world isn't ending you idiot. I'll grab beer
Had to walk of shame past Westminster Abbey this morning. Pretty sure a Japanese tourist took a photo of me.
I canceled a date last night to eat pop tarts and go to bed early
My bookbag can hold 30+ beers. They shoulda put that on the tag bc its a big selling point
First night in my new place, I had to get drunk to get used to the idea of shitting in a new toilet
Getting knocked up by someone with a good job and a big dick, okay. I can handle that. Getting knocked up by someone who sells dildos for a living and has a tiny dick, SOMEBODY is losing a pair of balls.
Randomize
