Her name starts with A and ends with whore.
Just found 50 pesos and a coke spoon in my dads old shit. Gotta love the 70s
I don't think he's ever woke up with a paraplegic stripper sitting on his face before.
I just told you I can't. My fingers are melting. I have discovered the high.
Why is it only times like these when I'm scrubbing the cum stains off my futon before my family gets here that I seriously begin to question my life choices?
He brought me bullshit flowers and a bullshit apology. Even shrek did more than that for Fiona. And he's an ogre. Does this not say anything about him?
you don't know what its like to have your bartender tell you that you owe him beer money infront of your mother at 3pm on a tuesday
I've already agreed to hook up with 3 people tonight, and its not even 2:00 yet... I think this is what the path to success looks like.
I'm going to have to have a long talk with god if my soul mate has a prince albert
'TWAS BUT A GLORIOUS SIGHT. BITCHES.
I just tried to order ice cream on my bagel. I think I should just call it
It's the third day of class and I got told I smell like a distillery.
While he was going down town Julie brown, I was eating French fries. True Love
IDK if she's gay or not, but there is something about the way she looks at me that says "do dirty dirty things to me." I have no choice but to oblige.
He's a downgrade and it was quick. But it was dick nonetheless.
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