billy ray cyrus is narrating a show on the history channel. my iq cant decide whether to go up or down.
phone sex would be way better if there was an app for that...
Is it bad that I was more upset about not getting the perfume he told me he had bought for me then the actual breakup?
You kept trying to hail an ambulance
the trail of clothing leading from the bed to the door was in the exact order i needed to put them on. underwear near the bed shoes by the door.
In hindsight, buying 4 different kinds of vibrators at once may have been a little overenthusiastic of me.
he actually managed to pick a girl up by telling her that her skirt was ugly and she didnt do a good job with her makeup. thats some seriously low selfesteem
Whatever. I indirectly made you cum overseas. Call it even.
We broke into the space center. If i go to jail I wanted to tell you, you have a fantastic dick. Use it wisely.
Hey when you wake up and read this, we really need to stop pullin our dicks out when we drink dude. I have all the pics, yall are assholes
it's a drink the shower water kind of morning ...
you invented a new sport called "bacon pulling" and you cried everytime a piece broke
I went on an adventure and now we have more food.
Well, really we just have fire sauce and cookies. But they're edible.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like picking cocaine boogers out of your nose at your parents house.
so the casino kicked my ass last night, i'm pretty sure i hit a new level of hungover....just showered with my sunglasses on because the bathroom light is too bright
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