what has two thumbs and is going to bang you boss on monday?
the only human I can compare her to is rosie o'donnell.
Its 4 am and he honestly tried throwing pizza at his ceiling for decorations
I thought it went well, but he just sent me a video of me sucking an icicle on the fire escape of his building with the caption "The ice got more than I did." Somehow I feel like I owe him a blowjob.
It's all fun and games until you throw up hot cheetos in your drawer.
We realized tonight that we have to get advice about guys from you because you're our only straight male friend that neither of us has slept with.
I actively tried geting in the guy's pants and ended up in the girl's. I'm bad at this whole straight while drunk thing.
But in fairness, I would totally have a robo-penis as long as it had full sensation.
He left his cock-ring in my truck.
Consider it a gay sex souvenir.
Everyone was in the walk-in getting high, and I had to be all cool. Serving soup and salads. Night manager status doesn't pay enough.
His status said "sad." of course I liked it. I don't even care that I was the only one. Facebook isn't your god damn journal, we don't care about your problems.
Life lesson: if a hot naked girl tells you to spit on something, you spit on it. No questions.
yo dude not sure how this happened but im drunk at your house eating burritos with your mom and sister. hope you're having fun in new zealand
Only I would get an underage 24 hours before turning 21.
We ran out of vodka, so instead of body shots you wanted to do cupcake shots off her naked body...happy birthday to you.
Randomize
