Would it be weird if I brought slabs of bacon with me to the beach?
how the fuck am i supposed to make breakfast with spaghettios and mustard
i messed up with two guys last night...one i pranked and left the phone on..the other one i went crazy on trying to be his girlfriend after four jagermeister shots...
We could sell used underwear with pictures of us wearing them.
He was legit dry humping me to the sportscenter theme song, awkward i think SO.
Oh my god it's like Minesweeper. I can tell there's sex in three of the four rooms, but which one is the safe one?
Your one and only job is to make sure I am on that bus tomorrow morning with no cat makeup on my face
Aqua-barf. When you are about to puke in the toilet but pass out face first instead...and then puke. WITH YOUR FACE IN THE BOWL. There is no escaping the puke ring you have on your face. I know first hand.
hooked up with the gay kid & his friend's mom told me "you know he has a identical twin brother whose straight, right?"
He handcuffed himself to the keg... D is hooking up with him anyway.
i fell into a bathtub last night and broke the fall with my forehead. my forehead is bruised
its gotten to the point where if her hand isn't on my butt i think we're in a fight
He told me he was gonna go wash a trailer and somehow I ended up eating vodka fruit with children in a green bean field.
I think I found my saving grace in the form of a beard at the bar.
Is it sad to eat a candy bra by yourself?
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