Theres a random in my bed. Omg but at least he's a law student?
it's too hot outside to masturbate.
I feel that the whole multiple orgasm thing is god's way of saying "sorry for the childbirth deal"
The problem with having your drunkeness documented at a wedding is not only does it show up all over facebook, but all over professional photography websites.
Working out to an exercise video on OnDemand. Also, drinking beer and eating cream cheese with a side of bagel in between stretches.
This might sound awkward, but can I borrow a dildo for class?
When I found her she was drinking wine out of a plastic bag in a bathroom stall, staring at herself in the mirror and crying hysterically. Cabo does things to a person...
They can be so fun, drunk bruises are like clues to the treasure of what actually happened last night. "why do I have a bruise on my belly button? oh right. i was trying to turn my stomach off so I would stop throwing up."
So, sleeping with all of my Vicodin in my bra because I knew she'd be searching my room for drugs tonight. I'LL SHOW HER.
she's unstoppable after she starts doing shots and yelling NANNER
At least your night didn't end with three cops seeing your ass and you sitting on the ground in a wig throwing your shoes at people
Is it socially acceptable to be blind drunk at half five on a Monday afternoon?
Which pub are you in?
Just so were clear your wife is cut off from my dick.
Are you really trying to argue your case that you seduced my cat?
I need to stop using "I went to the Harry Potter theme park" as my pickup line.
Randomize
